The Becoming

II Corinthians 3 Now if the ministry of death, carved in letters on stone, came with such glory that the Israelites could not gaze at Moses' face because of its glory, which was being brought to an end, will not the ministry of the Spirit have even more glory?

Today I am sitting in front of a different fireplace, in a different city, with a different view. A new adventure. Out apartment windows face the beautiful Sandia mountains. The sun is rising beyond them, the city laid out before them and balloons rising in the foreground. It takes your breath.

My Father does all things well. This world is a beautiful place; full of the glory of His handiwork.

We are back in New Mexico at the Cancer Center. It feels like coming home. I have worked with cancer patients in Tennessee, Colorado, California, Georgia, Alabama and New Mexico and have found in them all a common thread. They are people of right priorities.

They are strong beyond what they would have thought themselves capable. They are heroes of hope. Warriors. Valiant. They are glorious. And they don't even realize it.

Something wonderful happens to a person that is faced with their own mortality. Terrible, yes, but marvelous. After the anger. After the sadness. After the denial...acceptance. They become. Strong.

On their faces and in their hearts shine the light of truth. They embrace the things that last. Family. Friends. Love. Honesty. Eternity.

And when they are filled with the Holy Spirit, they shine. From their eyes. From their faces. From their hearts. Even when they are dying they have never been more alive. They are becoming. Glorious.

For if what was being brought to an end came with glory, much more will what is permanent have glory....Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is Spirit.

Father I love You and I am grateful for the life that You have given me, for the career that You have given me and for allowing me to be a small part of the lives of Your people. Give them the grace that they need to face the things that are coming. And when this life is over give them the grace to die with dignity and fall safely into Your arms. Strong. Beautiful. Shining in the light of Your love and mercy. Becoming like You.

The Return

Psalm 52 But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steafast love of God forever and ever. I will thank you forever, because you have done it. I will wait for Your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly.

Well, I am home safe and sound.

I left Jerusalem on Saturday night with Donna Jo and Mary for Ben Gurion at 6:30 pm. My friend, Daoud, the prophet from the Mount of Olives, had assured me that the Lord Jesus said, No one would question me in security. And that was true. It was a breeze, especially considering the fact that last year I was held for hours, thought I would be arrested and escorted by armed security to the gate :)

I guess I should have asked Daoud if the Lord Jesus had anything else to say.

I missed the 11:05 pm flight direct to Atlanta after 5 hours of waiting. Rushed to the ticket counter and back to wait in line for the 12:00 midnight flight to JFK and thank goodness made that flight.

And that leg of the trip was wonderful. I sat in first class next to one of the most interesting ladies that I have ever met. Leah is a Jew who left Poland in the 1930's just prior to the war for Paris where she became a famous salon owner before coming to Tel Aviv to live for a few years. After leaving Tel Aviv she moved to New York and has lived in Manhattan for many years now. She was in Israel to celebrate her 90th birthday and attend a wedding where she sat a table with many famous people including Shimon Perez! Leah was a lovely traveling companion and we talked for hours about her life, her loves and her book. She was up at 4 a.m. and putting on her make up and earrings. She tells me that she has been a city girl for 90 years and that city girls put on their lipstick before they turn on the lights in the morning :)

That was where the easy ended. I arrived in New York at 5 am and walked about 2 miles only to find myself in the wrong terminal. The terminal I need was at the other end, through an outside walkway in the freezing rain. Finally made it to my terminal to catch an 8:15 am flight which I missed. So, I got in line behind 100 other people at the Delta counter to rebook and thank goodness I had the forethought to try for an airport anywhere in the south because all the eastern flights were being cancelled and those people were flown to Delta's hub which is in Atlanta. So I booked a flight to Raleigh-Durham North Carolina and got on the last available seat before everything started cancelling. We were delayed for one hour after being seated on the plane and then asked to deboard back into the gate. After about an hour we were put back on the plane and that time made it as far as the runway when we had an hour and fifteen minute delay. Finally three hours past flight time we taxied and took off into one of the scarriest flights of my life. Freezing fog, 35 mph cross winds and darkness. I have never been so glad to land in Atlanta.

Oh did I mention they lost my luggage? hahahah

But miraculously when I got to Atlanta, so did my luggage.

And then this morning....I fell. On the tile. And all my joints are hurting and bruised. I fell hard.

So, what can I say?

Psalm 50 Offer to God a sacrifice of Thanksgiving and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will delver you, and you shall glorify Me.

I had the most wonderful trip of my life. I did everything I had ever hoped to do at Shevet Achim. I received blessing upon blessing upon blessing.

So, Satan....bring it! You have nothing against the power of my God. And nothing can take away my happiness today.

Father, You are wonderful beyond all measure. As I sit at my desk, pack for my Christmas trip to the mountains with my family, and prepare to head out on another travel nurse assignment I just want to thank You for all the good things in my life. You are my good and I adore You.

The Majestic

Psalm 8 O Lord, our God, how majestic is Your name in all the earth! You have set Your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babes and infants You have established strength because of Your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of Him and ths son of man that you care for him?

Father I thank You for the trip that You have just walked me through and for being able to see Your handiword in my life. Who am I that You are mindful of me and how is it that You have come to care for me?

Yesterday we went to Wolfson to visit the mothers and children from Gaza. This was great because I never get to meet them. They usually come directly from Gaza and straight to the hospital and they stay there until they return to Gaza. Such tiny little children and when I look at them I think about how small their little hearts must be and how tedious to work on such little bodies.

We picked up some stuffed sandwiches, pizza and cold Coca-Cola and headed for a guided tour, by our driver, of Tel Aviv. It was a beautiful drive and since it was a very windy day there were lots of wind surfers, gliders and kites on the beach.

AND THEN......we went to the airport to pick up my friend and sister in the Lord, Alyssa. She and I sat in the front so she could get a good view of her FIRST drive from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. This was a night of firsts for her.

I love firsts!!!!!!

When we arrived at the house Shabbat was just beginning and Alyssa got the honor of lighting her first Shabbat candles and saying her first Shabbat blessing. She was wrapped in a beautiful silk head scarf and with her dark hair and big brown eyes she looked just like I imagined that Mary, the mother of Jesus would have looked. And then we DANCED for the Lord, thanking him for Shabbat rest, the wine and the bread and for loving us.

My friend, Daoud, the prophet, and Khaled came by for dinner and so Alyssa had another first. Listening to the stories of Muslim background believers and the difficulties that they face. I told her some of the suffering of Daoud, how he had been beated at the Dome of the Rock for his faith in the Lord Jesus. Dinner was lovely and afterward we watched, Silent Night.

Hastaiyr was admitted to the hospital last night as well for fever and possible tonsillitis. Father please heal him and let this not cause a delay in his returning to his beloved Kurdistan.

So, as the sun rises on my last day here, for now, it is Sabbath and I AM GRATEFUL. Grateful for this house, for this ministry, for my family here, for the Lord's work that is done here, for all my firsts, for the children and mom's. I know that when I am old, God willing, and I reflect back on my life that I will remember this trip and smile. It has been an adventure and a pure delight. To Jonathan, Justina, Donna Jo, Donna P, Michelle, Mary, Jenn, Ryan, Brian, Lila, Suhail, Lina, Mauna, Gaddy, Youseff, Alyssa, Sonia, Rafi, Fita and their family, Alvin and Sherry, Gunter and Hepzhibah, Vincent, Daoud, Khaled, Zach, Samir and all the rest who touched my heart and my life by being lights in the kingdom of their Father and King....thank you, thank you, thank you. And to my King....You are everything to me and I adore You.

The Party

I Corinthians 15 Behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall ALL be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on imortality.

Death is swallowed up in victory!

O death, where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?

Today I walked to Christ Church, in the Old City, to meet my friend and brother, Daoud, the prophet from the Mount of Olives. We met there for prayer and to hear from our Father and to say goodbye. For now.

After dinner tonight we went upstairs for a going away party for beautiful Harseen, Um Harseen and me. It was very bittersweet. I love Um Harseen. She is a wonderful mother. She is also quite beautiful. I think we would become great friends. And Harseen, well Harseen is a doll.

Something Jonathan said during the party is lingering in my mind. He said that maybe I would return here soon and maybe we would go to Kurdistan to visit Harseen's family but that this would be the last time, on this earth, that we would all be together.

And for a moment I thought I might burst into tears.

It really resonated with me. We get one chance to make a difference.

I really love these beautiful people. And if I never see them again on this earth it will be very sad for me. But it would be devastating to spend eternity without them.

It is time to wake up.

Arise, O sleeper, and arise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.

It is hard to say goodbye. Tomorrow Jonathan, Laura, Harseen and her mother will leave and I will not see them again. For a while.

There will be a noticeable gap where their smiles should be.

Father, as my time here draws to a close, I want to thank You. For all You have given me on this trip. How can I express my gratitude for the complete joy I have found in this journey. It has been more than I ever expected. More than I dreamed. More than I could have imagined. More than I deserve. Just like You, Father. Lord Jesus, would You watch over those here that my heart loves? Would you bless them and bring them safely into Your kingdom? For I cannot bear the thought of missing a moment of eternity without their being there. Thank you Father that there is a day coming when we will no longer have to say goodbye to those closest to our hearts and Yours.

The Motive

I Corinthians 12, 13 And I will show you a still more excellent way. (And here are penned some of the most beatutiful words in Scripture)

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy going or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

This chapter is often referred to as the "Love Chapter" and indeed the word, love, is mentioned nine time in this chapter alone. But for me, for today, it speaks to me of motive. The intent behind love. An agenda.

So He speaks to my heart today, What is your motive Connie?

Do you desire the gifts of My Holy Spirit; and for what pupose?

Are you seeking a greater truth; and to what end?

Is there an agenda behind the services you offer to ME?

Love is a word that is tossed about a lot. I LOVE this....I LOVE him....I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

But I find that what we really love most often are the things we love for ourselves.

Are the things that I love an expression of my Fathers will and do they mirror the loves of His heart?

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

It does not envy or boast.

It is no arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way.

It is not irritable or resentful.

It does not rejoice at wrongdoing.

It rejoices in the truth.

Love bears all things.

Love believes all things.

Love hopes all things.

Love endures all things.

And do we love anything like this?

Hebrews 4 For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joint and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.

Father show us Your heart in this. I pray that in everything I say and do that there would be a geniune motivation of Your perfect love that is woven into it. I am sure that this will not always be the case. I struggle with selfishness and a need to be heard and to be right. I am not always patient and kind, sometimes I am arrogant or rude. But I love You Lord and I want to love what You love. I want to desire the things that You desire. I want to mirror Your heart and reflect Your perfect intent. I want my only motive to be to please You.

The Finish

Lamentations 3 But this I call to mind, and therfore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end: they are new every morning, great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.

Have you ever had a day when you knew you were seeing the fulfillment of a prophecy or that you were seeing the completion of a promise from the Lord?

Today is that day for me. I am teaching first aid and CPR to the staff at Shevet Achim.

Many years ago, before going to college and then to nursing school, the Lord promised me this day. I became a nurse, in part, to serve here. I didn't know where or when at the time but the Lord spoke very clearly to me about nursing school, travel nursing and serving in that capacity, in this city.

Can you believe this?

It is nothing that is special in me, it is not about me. It is about having a God who is faithful to keep His promises. It is one of the foundation stones of my faith. For how can I ever walk this life without knowing that He is faithful and trustworthy? I cannot trust in myself. I cannot trust completely in anyone other than Him. He is the rock that holds me steady.

Only God can take a life that is useless and make it useful. Only God can promise great and mighty things to ordinary people and then equip them to see them through. He alone is the source of strength.

It has been a long walk, this new life with the Lord. Hindered oftentimes by my willfullness and refusal to walk the path that He has chosen. But even during the times that I struggle against His will I find Him completely faithful to what He has promised. I have learned hard lessons about refusing to walk in His ways. I hope I have learned those lessons well.

Today is a day of hope for me. I believe that when this trip is finished I will hear Him say, Well done. It is my highest hope and there is no conceit in this for many times I know that I have failed. But at the end of the day, at the end of this trip, at the end of this life what I want most of all is to do the things that please Him. For all He has done for me. It is the least that I can do.

Father You are, as always, such an unexpected gift of surprise. That You found me and loved me and saved me still amazes me. I want You to know that I know Who has brought me to this place, Who has sustained me and Who will bring me safely into the kingdom when this life is over. I love You Lord, so much. Be pleased in me, Father.

The Gravecloths

John 11 And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I know that You always hear Me, but I said this on the account of the people standing around, that they may believe that You sent Me. When He had said these things He cried out with a loud voice, Lazarus, come out. The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, Unbind him, and let him go.

Wow, right? Who has ever seen such a thing? Who can imagine it?

I believe that this is a literal story. A true story. But it has tremendous metaphortical value. It reminds me, of me.

I was dead. Spiritually. Emotionally. Financially. And all but dead physically.

I was in darkness as thick as the tomb. I was trapped as if by a great stone. I was bound by sin hand and foot. I was blind to the truth as if covered by a shroud. Bound, in darkness, alone.

And Jesus Christ became my good.

Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I know that You always hear Me.

Let Us save Connie, Father. From death. From hell. From herself. Let Us rescue her and forgive her and fill her with Ourselves so that when others see the miraculous change in her that they will glorify her Father in heaven. Let Us perform a miracle in her life and raise her from the dead. Let Us make her life beautiful. And when this life is over let Us bring her safely into Our kingdom. Let's unbind her and let her go.

For who but Us could save this life?

I Corinthians 15 Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?

Jude Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

Amen.