The Whirlwind

Hosea Hear the Word of the Lord, O children of Israel, for the Lord has a controversy with the inhabitants of the Land. There is no faithfulness or steadfast love, and no knowledge of God in the Land; there is swearing, lying, murder, stealing, and committing adultery; they break all bounds, and bloodshed follows bloodshed.

Do you ever feel that the only consistent trait in your life is inconsistency? Me too.

I have several unfinished projects. I work short contracts in different states so I travel a lot and we have been remodeling our house for the last several months due to storm damage so life has been pretty erratic. Part of this seems good for me. It stretches my boundaries, forces me to try new things and gives me a sense of adventure.

But I have come to suspect that it is fueled by an inconsistent nature. I have fostered a lifestyle that allows me to be inconsistent. I hover around the edges of my life.

I have become a visitor.

If you follow this blog then you know that part of work being done is here is My Father loving me too much to leave me the way that I am. So to get to the real cause of this problem the Helper brings me to Hosea....

There is no steadfast love...

And for this, God has called me out. He is not interested in the excuses. He has heard them all.

And because of that, I run. The subconscious thought is this: If I cannot be found I cannot be held responsible.

Hosea What shall I do with you, O Ephrain?

What shall I do with you, O Judah? Your love is like a morning cloud, like the dew that goes away early.

Therefore I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. And there she will answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt. And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me "my Husband".

Sow for yourself righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, that He may come and rain righteousness upon you.

What holds me to Him, what keeps me coming back is His overwhelming love for me. What causes me to run away? Knowing that I am not worth it.

Hosea When Israel was a child, I loved him. And out of Egypt I called my son. The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols. Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.....

My people are bent on turning away from Me.

Return, O Israel, to the Lord you God, for you have stumbled because of you iniquity. I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely. I am like an evergreen cypress; from Me comes your fruit.

Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; whoever is discerning, let him know them; for the ways of the Lord are right, and the upright walk in them, but transgressors stumble in them.

Father Your Word is like a mirror into my heart exposing the nature behind the actions. With tender, unrelenting love you pull my hands from my eyes and expose to me the dangers of my innermost being and I am undone by the things I find there. Layer upon layer you peal back the ugliness of pride, selfishness, self-destruction, willfulness, worldliness and compulsion to expose the beautiful spirit that lies within. Arise in Me O Lord and shine through the darkness of my flesh, expose Yourself in me and through me and rid me of all the garbage that lies between us until the day that we fall into One. Thank You for loving us all, for pursuing us all until we find ourselves lost in You.

Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and CHRIST will shine on you.

The Pursuit

John 8 If you abide in My Word, you are truly My disciple, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. They answered Him, "We are offspring of Abraham and have never been slaved to anyone! How is it that You say, "You will become free"?

Jesus answered them, Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever, the Son remains forever. So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I know that you are offspring of Abraham, yet you seek to kill Me because My Word finds no place in you.

Freedom is oftentimes an illusive idea. We, as Americans, live in the "land of the free". We pride ourselves on being free. Freedom of speech. Freedom of the press. Freedom of religion. Financial freedom.

But are we really free? And what does freedom cost?

Jesus changes our perspective of freedom. Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.

Sometimes freedom is found within the boundaries of the Law. For instance if I want to remain free from prison I must obey the laws of the time. Do not steal. Do not murder. If I want to remain free of disease I will refrain from smoking, eat healthy or be monogamous. But even at my very best I am not guaranteed freedom. The innocent go to prison. People who have never smoked get cancer. Children are born to parents infected with HIV.

Even before sin entered the world there was still boundaries to freedom. There was still a law, only one, and that was broken by the very first family.

True freedom by human standards my be an impossibility in this life, in this flesh.

But is the Son sets you free....If the truth sets you free....You are free indeed.

Do you long for freedom? Then the first question might be, To what are you enslaved?

What was the first thing that came to mind?

I wish I had to answer to the question. I do not. What I do know is this. For me, at least, and I believe for all of us, true freedom is found only by turning to the One who is able to free us.

If money could free us, if fame could free us, if drugs or alcohol or freedom could free us we would be free.

Truth frees us.

We were built with a hole in our lives that is only filled by our creator. Nothing and no one will ever be adequate to meet our need for Him.

If you abide in My Word, you are truly My disciple, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. So, if you Son sets you free, you are free indeed.

Father we have become willing slaves to so many things. We are enslaved to the pursuit of freedom itself. As we learn to abide in You, reveal Yourself to us. Lead us to the freedom that is found in You alone.

Ephesians 5 Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.

Proverbs 21 The kings heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord. He turns it wherever He will.

The Incurable

Jeremiah 30 For thus says the Lord; Your hurt is incurable, and your wound is grievous. There is none to uphold your cause, no medicine for your wound, no healing for you...for I have dealt you the blow of an enemy, the punishment of a merciless foe, because your guilt is great.

Lamentations 2 For your ruin is vast as the sea; who can heal you?

Isaiah 53 For He grew up before Him like a young plant, and like a root our of dry ground; He had no form or majesty that we should look at Him, and no beauty that we should desire Him. He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief and as one from whom men hide their faces. He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to His own way. And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

It has been a long, long time.

When I sat down with my Bible today I did not expect to write a blog. I hoped I would. So I brought paper and pen just in case. Just in case the Lord of heaven and earth should speak. For what could He possibly have to say to such a wandering heart, to one so easily drawn away?

For this says the Lord, your hurt is incurable....your guilt is great. Who can heal you?

So today, as with so many days before, I am faced with the truth. The biting, cutting edge of truth. There is no possible answer to our pain, our addictions, our trouble or our sin aside from Jesus Christ.

There is, I believe, a fundamental flaw in our thinking that is this....If I can change this, control this, stop this.....I will be acceptable or approved by God.

And so He comes to me with truth. Who can heal you? There is no hope for you. No help. No cure. No medicine.

You are ruined.

But He....

He was wounded for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. Upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace and by His stripes we are healed.

Because on Him was laid the iniquity of us all.

If you struggle, like I do, be comforted. There is hope for you. There is a cure. There is a remedy of healing and forgiveness in placing your faith in the only one who is able, who is is worthy, who is willing to save.

What can wash away my sin? What can make me whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Jude Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blames before the presence of His glory with great JOY, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.

Amen.

The Impossible

Proverbs 31 An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out a night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is know in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. He says, "May women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

So this morning Ken and I mailed cards to our mothers for Mother's Day and I wrote a portion of this chapter of Provers to my mother because she is the best.

I remember the first time I ever heard these verses. I was just a little girl but already it was in the back of my mind that I would never achieve this kind of praise because I was not "good enough". I would never be the "virtuous woman". I would never be the "excellent wife" and my children would never "rise up and called me blessed".

And I spent a lot of years proving that to myself. I created the kind of life that I felt I deserved.

But when I came to know Him, my Lord, my Friend, my Helper.... He changed the way in which I viewed myself. He changed my perspective and my thought process. Basically, if HE could see me as something of value, why couldn't I? If He could love me so much, shouldn't I?

I thought that I was a very different kind of woman than the one in Proverbs but I found today that we have some things in common....

My husband does trust me and he brags on me, more than I deserve. I am a good nurse and I love my patients, most of them anyway, and I try to treat them like I would want someone to treat my Mama. I have an ongoing education and a reliable job that allows me to see the country. I take great pride in whatever place we live and make it my goal to make it feel like home. I have a wonderful hobby in photography and when we are at home I am an active gardener. I am a decent cook and somewhat funny :) If I didn't know me so well, I would like me.

I still have to draw the line at my children rising up and calling me blessed....we are just not there yet but I love them and I think they love me.

I do not always do the right thing. Some times I hide from God and lack trust and behave foolishly. Sometimes I have to tell Him that I am sorry for neglecting Him. But He loves me and I love Him. He is patient with me and I try to be patient with Him as well. We both agree that He is my God, that He is eternally good, that He is love personified and He is worthy to be adored. And we are trying to agree that I am of great value to Him and to the world and that my life should reflect how precious I am to Him.

It is hard for me to love me but it is easy for me to love Him and He is teaching me to love what He loves. Make sense?

And so for today it is enough. He is enough. My life is enough.

Father I cannot tell You adequately enough how much I love You. You have given me a new life, a new start, a new perspective. You have given me Yourself and that is the greatest gift of all. Thank You for Your patient pursuit of this willful child. You are my love. You are my everlasting King. You are my friend and I adore You.

The Aging

Life is like a short breath or a bird in it's flight.

Soon it passes away and is gone from our sight.

Like a vapor it is in the Bible we're told...

From the recesses of my mind this song comes.

On my recent trip home I found myself looking around at my family in surprise. Here I sit with my granddaughter in my arms, my children grown and married, my sisters with their grandchildren in their laps, nephew and nieces and my own mother and Aunt Jean beautiful in their latter years. Where does it go?

This is the sweetest time of my life. Everyone together and healthy. But what of the others? Are they longing for younger years or struggling to learn to walk? Are they looking toward their futures or remembering their pasts?

Life is quick. Fleeting.

Watching the news this year I have often wondered if our planet is aging quickly herself. Was it, like us, born with a time line? Was is young once and energetic, learning to walk and run and function beautifully?

She seems to suffer at the moment. Overpopulation. Flood. Earthquake. Tsunami. Extreme heat and cold. Deforestation. Disease. We hear almost daily of natural disasters in various countries, including our own, holes in the ozone and melting polar ice caps. She seems to be attacked from without and within.

Maybe it has always been this way. Maybe. Maybe not.

It makes sense to me that as we all are born, grow up and fade away that so does everything else. Including our planet.

If so, then what? What is next?

On Friday I talked with one of my patients for a while. He is a gruff old cuss who is slowly succumbing to his disease. I have know him for six months and we usually talk about the weather or his disease or my traveling or his memories of being in the service during war. But on Friday he leaned over to me and said in a whisper that he had died at Christmas. He said his heart stopped three different time before he could be stabilized. When I said I was sorry he said don't be.

He said it was beautiful. Green hills, warm sunshine. A feeling of freedom and peace and exploding joy. He saw his wife and his twin boys that were lost years before. He talked with his old vet buddies before coming back to what he calls hell. He says hell for him is this life and this old and cancerous body. Someday, he says, he will go to heaven and not ever come back.

Life is like a short breath....

Like a vapor it is....

Being an oncology nurse has taught me to live while I'm living.

Being a follower of Christ compels me to ask you the question, Where will go when it's over?

Father for those suffering in this world in the wake of this latest disaster, be near.

The Portion

Sometimes I find myself becoming negative in my thinking and in the words that I speak and I realize that these things flow from bitterness in my heart. So when I need a change of perspective I find myself here, in Psalm 73 and it brings me back to a proper perspective with just the first four words.

Truly God is good.

Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For they have no pangs until death: their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind. Therefore pride is their necklace; violence covers them as a garment. Their eyes swell out through fatness; their hearts overflow with follies. They scoff and speak with malice; loftily they threaten oppression. They set their mouths against the heavens, and their tongue struts through the earth. Therefore His people turn back to them, and find no fault in them. And they say, "How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?" Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches.

All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For all the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning.

If I had said, "I will speak thus,".....I would have betrayed the generation of your children.

But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task....

until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end.

Like a dream when one awakens.

When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward You.

Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to glory!!!!!!!

Oh whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.

Sometimes nothing more needs to be said.

The Birthday

Psalm 69 I will praise the name of God with a song, I will magnify Him with thanksgiving. This will please the Lord more than an ox, or a bull with horns and hoofs.

I prefer to blog in a comfortable chair with a cup of hot tea in quiet space that I love. This blog is written in a coach class set. It is not really comfortable. It is noisy. It smells funny.

But today is a day of thanksgiving. It is my birthday of forty three years.

So today, to honor Him for all He has done for me, I will bless Him with the words of my mouth. Here a few of my thoughts toward Him....

I am thankful that I have a husband who adores me. Even when I don't deserve it. I am on my way home to see my family, my children. My son is home for two weeks from deployment to the Middle East and he is alive and well. My daughter is picking me up at the airport and coming home to spend the night with me. My other daughter is coming by to see me on the weekend. My family, my sisters, are coming to my mom's house where we will meet my new granddaughter, Katelyn Rae who is the loveliest and most wondrous baby ever. I will get to see my red headed, sassy Maddie girl and beautiful Amee. I found out last week that I do not have breast cancer. I am having dinner with two of my favorite people on the planet, my sisters in the Lord Kathy and Margo.

Everything in life is as it should be.

And I know where all good things come from. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Everything and everyone has been given to me from my Father. I was not always this way. There was a time when I had nothing and no one.

Then He came and made all things new. He is my restorer of the breach. My deliverer. The lifter of my head.

So to You Lord....I give it all. My husband. Our children. Our families. Our grandchildren here and to come. Our home. Our lives. Our plans. All that we have. All that we are. It all came from You. It all belongs to You. May we honor You with it all.

Thank You. For everything. For all You have done. For me.