The Awakening

Isaiah 50 Thus says the Lord: Where is your mother's certificate of divorce with which I sent her away or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquity you were sold, and for your transgressions your mother was sent away...Is my hand shortened that it cannot redeem? Oh have I no power to deliver...

The Lord has given me the tongue of those who are taught that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning He awakens; He awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. The Lord has opened my ear and I was not rebellious. I have turned not backward.

Today we made our first trip to Tel Aviv to the Wolfson Medical Center for Ikram's surgery to repair his heart defect of Tetrology of Fallot. Four defects of the heart. Learning to compensate for each other for Ikram's survival.

On the drive up from Jerusalem I could almost hear the heart of Jerusalem's Messiah breaking for her. His heart breaking. Her heart wounded. My heart mending and Ikram's heart waiting. Hanging in the balance. Needing a merciful physician to mend him. A four heart defect. Four hearts aching. Learning to compensate for each other. Ironic.

The Husband to the Beloved

Oh Jerusalem, Where is your mother's certificate of divorce? Why have you left your first love? Would it not be comforting to return your wounded heart to His broken one and heal the aching of both the bride and husband? Is His hand shortened that it cannot redeem His bride? Is He unable to deliver you, to restore you to your rightful place as the beloved of the King.

The Master to His servant. To you. To me.

I have given you the tongue of those who are taught. Connie, I need you to hear Me. You are the one to whom I am speaking at this moment. You are the voice. They are the taught. To them has been given the Holy Scriptures. To you has been given the Holy Spirit. They need not only the Word but My beloved Spirit as well.

My word will sustain them when they are weary. Morning by morning He awakens me, He awakens my ear to hear the ones who are taught. The Lord has opened my ear and I was not rebellious. Let Me awaken in you the things that I need to so that you may be of use to Me. Speak. Write. Write what you see. Be a voice. The voice of one crying in the wilderness. Be their voice. Be My voice. Sustain them with a word. Tell them to return to the One, the Only One, their beloved. They are a reluctant bride to me. A wandering betrothed.

I am awakening you to hear them. Open your ears to hear me. Let me show you the language, their ways, their customs and their hearts. They have the Ancient Scriptures. You have the Words of Life.

Isaiah 50 Who among you fears the Lord? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equips yourself with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand.

Ephesians 5 awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you.

The Shabbat

Genesis 2 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the hosts of them. And on the seventh day God finished His work that He had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all His work that He had done in creation.

Shabbat in Jerusalem. What a long awaited and generous gift from my Father. It is very early in the morning and I alone am stirring at Shevet Achim. I cannot sleep. I woke to the hauntingly beautiful and strangely wonderful sound of the call to prayer.

I am sure that with time I may feel differently about all that happens in this diverse city and I will certainly need to educate myself regarding culture, language and middle eastern etiquette; but for this morning, at this hour, I am drawn to this complicated, complex, ancient and controversial city. It is exotic of sound and smell. It sizzles and pops with life, smolders with its many and varied opinions. And loved of God. Why this city? Why this people?

As strange and unfamiliar as this country is to me, it so resonates my own struggle with the Lord. It is the unfaithful and wandering bride. Reluctant to be drawn into a monogamous intimacy. Chosen. Longed for. Adorned. A cherished, yet petulant lover. Like the Church. Like me.

God calls us to a Shabbat rest. He created for us all that is needed for life and happiness, hoping at the end of the week to enjoy peaceful communion with the ones for whom all of this was created. But we will not enter into that rest. We are the bride that refuses to be adorned with familial honor. We refuse to be cherished. Longing to be free from the constraints of intimacy with our husband, we chase after a lesser love. We leave the peace and sanctuary of the garden of His goodness for the chaos of a life lived on the streets.

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not! See your house is left to you desolate, for I tell you, you will not see Me again until you say, Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord.

I am not entirely sure of what the Lord has planned for me here. What could I offer you, Jerusalem? You to whom the scriptures and Messiah were given. This city is overwhelming. It is complicated and right now I feel very small.

The city is awakening. Horns honking. Sounds of different languages, ancient and beautiful, are drifting in through the courtyard. But for this moment, I am at rest with my Lord, in His Holy City. Shabbat rest. I am peaceful with His people. I am peaceful in this stone house. I am peaceful in my soul. It is not THAT rest, the one to come, but it is a sweet gift from my Lord, nonetheless.

Father, to You alone belong praise, worship and honor. Teach me to walk in Your ways. Show me the paths of Your righteousness. Set my feet on the narrow way and guide me with the integrity of Your heart. Give to me Your love for this place and for Your people. I won't pretend to have knowledge or understanding of this place. I will not try to force myself on them. I will be still and listen and learn from You. I am here at your request and for Your glory. Take what little I have, fill it up with Yourself and shine Lord! O Lord see! O Lord hear! O Lord deliver! Us.

Matthew 24 Jesus left the temple and was going away, when His disciples came to point out to Him the buildings of the temple. But He answered them, You see all these things, do you not? Truly I say to you there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down.

Hebrews 4 Therefore, while the promise of entering His rest still stands, let us fear lest any of you should seem to have failed to reach it...Since therefore it remains for some to enter it, and those who formerly received the good news failed to enter because of disobedience....Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts....So then, there remains a Shabbat rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from His.

The Threshold

Isaiah 43 But now thus says the Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you. For I AM the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you.

We are somewhere over Greece, only a couple of hours away and, for the first time, I feel a little fear. Immediately the Helper says, Fear not for I have redeemed you. I have called you. And it occurs to me that I need not fear anything. Ever.

Life, at conception, is a miracle. New life in Christ is no less miraculous. Has it been by my own strength that I have arrived at this day? Did I form myself in my mother's womb? Did I pay my own sacrifice for my salvation? Did I orchestrate this day by my own power? Every single heartbeat has been a gift and a miracle of the Lord. I belong to Him and everything I have and all that I am, I owe to Him. Sometimes I feel like I have passed through the water and walked through the fire. My life has not always been easy. And I have not walked it alone, for He has been with me. He is with me still. He is with me always.

This summer I have experienced passing through new waters and new fire. A cleansing, refreshing baptism of the water of the Holy Spirit. Washed clean. Filled up. Flowing out. Rinsing away my stains. Washing away my guilt. Making me thirsty and satisfied at the same time. Does that make sense to you? He satisfies my thirst for Him completely but yet I cannot get enough. I have also experienced a new fire. Cleansing. Refining. Sparks of enlightenment. Shimmering fumes of revelation. Blasts of color, heat and smoke. The fire that falls from heaven and fills us with Himself. Liberating fires that release us from the ties that bind us by literally burning them to ashes which then float away like the chaff of our lives leaving us a pure and refined vessel. Stronger. More durable. Sparkling and glorious reflections of His light.

Why does He do this? Why would He take the time? Why does He never weary of us? Because we are His. We are precious in His eyes. We are honored family members. We are loved. So we can be free. We can be fearless. We can rest knowing that He holds us in the palm of His capable hands and watches us with His loving eyes.

And that gives me courage. Courage to go. Courage to give. Courage to love. Courage to be.

Psalm 46 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the Holy habitation for the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved. God will help her when morning dawns (over the Mediterranean Sea)

Psalm 23 The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His Name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou are with me. Your rod and Your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen, Lord.

Isaiah 43 Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called my My Name, whom I called for My glory, whom I formed and made.

Father as the sun rises on this, my first Shabbat in Jerusalem, my heart overflows with gratitude to the King of all Kings. Blessed art Thou O Lord who was, who is and who is to come. My cup runneth over, my soul cries to You. It's ALL for You Lord and You are worthy. More than we deserve, more than we expect, more than we can contain.

The Plea

Romans 10 Brothers, my hearts desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they might be saved...The Word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart....if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in Your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified and with the mouth one confesses and is saved....For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent....So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the Word of Christ. But of Israel He says, All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and contrary people. I ask then has God rejected His people?....Do you not know what the Scripture says, of Elijah, how He appeals to God against Israel? Lord, they have killed Your prophets, they have demolished Your altars, and I alone am left, and they seek my life. But what is God's reply to Him? I have kept for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.

As I was waiting on the Lord this morning for the blog He said to me, Just share your hearts desire and your prayer to God. Let them just hear what you have to say today.

So, there is no revelation from the Lord today, no new truth. Just the OLD truth of the Good News of the Gospel and that is the best news I know.

First, thank you ALL for sharing the journey with me. I am speaking of the heart journey of preparation for this trip. In the first blog I wrote that I feared that I was not ready. That there was something that was being held back from God, hidden sins, unspoken words, things left unfinished and I have to tell you that as far as I can say, there is nothing left for me to do. I have tried to the best that is possible in the flesh to give it all up for Him. I have written letters of apology, spoken words of forgiveness, reconciled to the best of my ability any and every relationship that the Lord has laid on my heart. I have worshiped with new friends, cried with old friends, shared with strangers, been a servant to the saints, taken communion and laid the offering of sacrifice of the flesh at the feet of Jesus. There is not arrogance or bragging in this. It is simply a confession. As much as is in me, I have surrendered all. Thank you all for your comments on the blog site, on Facebook and through emails. It has helped to heal my heart to be able to share this with you.

But today my heart is longing to hear that there is none among you who has bowed the knee to Baal. My hearts desire and prayer to God for YOU is that you might be saved. His Word is near you. I have shared with you my road to the Savior as best I can. If you are reading this and He has redeemed you, would you comment on that? Praise the Lord that He has called you and saved you for all eternity. But if not, I beg you....Be reconciled to Christ. Now. Today. Don't wait another moment. Be saved. Be healed. Be baptized. Be discipled. Be sanctified. Be justified. Be glorified....already.

So here is the Gospel in a nutshell (as if all the world could ever really contain the whole). God has always been and will always be. He is eternal. He is holy, without spot or blemish. He is a triune God consisting of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He created everything that is or ever will be, including you. He created everything in perfection with only one law and we broke that law. So as punishment for a sin debt that we could never earn or achieve, He gave the Son to be a perfect sacrifice for the sin of the world. Jesus Christ, born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, died a cruel death on the cross to pay for your sin and mine and His death was found acceptable to the Father. Jesus rose from the dead and ascended to heaven where He awaits a day where He will return to this earth to collect those who have received his gift of salvation. Until that day the Holy Spirit is given to every believer to help us on our way home. He is the Teacher, the comforter, the helper for our souls.

God loves you. Jesus died for you. The Holy Spirit lives within you. Will you accept that? Will you believe it? Then just tell Him. Believe in Your heart, confess with your mouth and be saved for all of eternity.

Brethren, my hearts desire and prayer to God is that you would be saved. To KNOW HIM. To let Him save you, heal you and set you free.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.

It is well with my soul.

The Offering

Mark 1 Passing alongside the Sea of Galilee, He saw Simon and Andrew the brother of Simon casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men. And immediately they left their nets and followed Him.

I'm leaving for Atlanta today and for Israel tomorrow and I am thinking of my trip last year.

Do you know what was the most extraordinary sight for me last year in Israel? More impressive than Jerusalem, the Old City, the Mount of Olives, Mt. Carmel and the Mediterranean Ocean?

A bulldog.

I have never seen anything like him in my life. He was amazing. His owner was an Arabic man and he and this bulldog were on the beach in Netanya, just playing and training. They never took their eyes off each other and if a dog is capable of a look of adoration for a human, he had it. He loved that man. As they went through their paces on the beach I was very impressed but when he took the dog out into the ocean I just sat down and watched, amazed. The man was waist high in the surf so really the only part of the dog out of the water was his head. Another man on the beach would throw a small stone into the surf between the man and the dog, who just stood facing each other in the water, looking directly into each other eyes while the rock settled to the ocean floor. Finally, the owner gave the okay and the dog began to dive for the rock. Again and again. I was totally skeptical and thinking that there is no way that dog will be able to retrieve a rock in the waves and the sand. After a few tries the man on the beach asked if the owner wanted him to throw another stone. Without taking his eyes off the dog and with a smile on his face, he just held up his hand as if to stay stop, just give him a minute. Over and over he dove and I was getting nervous. What would happen if he failed?

You may find this hard to believe but that dog recovered the stone. It was the most incredible thing that I have ever witnessed between and owner and an animal. The two came back up on the beach, strutted actually, and the dog was just crazy. Jumping around, I swear it looked like he was laughing. The owner praised him and loved on him and the three of them walked away and I just sat there on the beach like an idiot with my mouth open.

Wow. What courage. Amazing trust. Such determination. Incredible. The dog never gave up. Neither did his master. The owner never rushed him. He never criticized him. He never doubted him. He never took his eyes off him. He praised his work and loved him.

Sound familiar?

Training in the Lord is not always easy. It requires perseverance. It demands trust, determination and a refusal to quit. Stones are difficult to find in the ocean. The waves can be frightening. But if we keep our eyes on the One who owns us then we will be okay. He is patient. He has a reward for us, held in the heavens that will never fade away.

I could tell that this was not the first time that this scenario had played out, but I was grateful to have the privilege of watching it.

It seems almost unbelievable that Jesus could say to the brothers, Follow me, and that they would just drop everything and walk away with Him. But in the Gospel of Luke we learn that Jesus was not a stranger to these men. In fact, we find that after Jesus was tempted by Satan that He returned to Galilee with great power. He healed a man with a demon, He taught with authority in the synagogue and then...He healed Simon's mother in law.

In chapter 5 He calls Simon to Follow Him. And Simon had seen JUST enough that when Jesus called him, Simon trusted Him and was obedient. And Jesus never took his eyes off Simon again.

I wonder if the dog ever thought, This doesn't make sense!! Why am I diving for rocks? Could I not just pick them up off the sand? I don't think so. When they were in the water together it looked like the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was just scary the first time.

I'm sure Simon thought, What difference does it make which side of the boat that I cast my net on?

Sometimes God makes no earthly sense. Sometimes He asks for steps of obedience that look strange. Will I trust Him? Even when it makes no sense? Even when I'm in deep water? Even if I feel foolish? Do I trust Him enough to dive for rocks with everyone watching on the beach thinking that I won't make it and my owner is crazy?

I hope I am past caring what anyone thinks of me if it hinders me from being willing to give something to someone who gave everything for me.

Maybe this blog makes no sense. Maybe going to Israel makes no sense. Maybe my hair makes no sense. But I have seen JUST enough to trust Him and dive in.

I Peter 3 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous.

Luke 5 Getting into one of the boats, which was Simon's, He asked him to put out a little from the land. And He sat down and taught the people from the boat. And when He had finished speaking he said to Simon, Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch. And Simon answered, Master, we toiled all night and took nothing. But at Your word, I will let down the nets.

By the way....The next time you see me, it might not make much sense but I'm letting down the net and diving for rocks.

The Prayer

Isaiah 37 As soon as King Hezekiah heard it, he tore his clothes and covered himself with sackcloth and went into the house of the Lord...This is a day of distress, of rebuke and of disgrace...Thus says the Lord, Do not be afraid...Hezekiah went up to the house of the Lord and prayed, O Lord of hosts, God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; You have made the heaven and the earth. Incline Your ear, O Lord, and see and hear...So now, O Lord, save us, that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that You alone are the Lord...Thus says the Lord God of Israel; Because you have prayed to me....I will defend this city to save it...And the angel of the Lord went out..

Job 14 Man who is born of woman is few of days and full of trouble.

Life is hard. That is just the truth. It is a precious gift from the Lord. It has a divine purpose. And while it has times of complete happiness and contentment there are days that are full of trouble. While I readily admit that I am not threatened by the Assyrian Army as King Hezekiah was, I still have worries of my own.

This is my first trip for ministry. When I try to express my excitement and gratitude to the Lord for allowing me to serve, I find the writing of it so inadequate. The words get trapped inside my pen and are reluctant to be written. I had been on a spiritual high place.

But today, I must confess, is stressful. There have been moments during the planning of this trip where we have faced real obstacles. And in addition to that planning there are the everyday stresses of life to contend with. From acquiring tickets, financial strains, job search and working towards fund raising for the kitchen. Between the four of us we have five children and most of them experiencing such dramatic changes and growth this summer. In the past year we have lost a family member, traveled cross country, had a wedding, started back to college, experienced a music tour, bought a house, joined the Army, dealt with family drama and been involved with family reconciliations. Some days it seems like crashing computers, blown up engines, unemployment, broken appliances and physical illness are the highlights of the day.

So how do true believers and followers of Christ deal with adversity?

Sometimes we fake it. We say, When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Or, Just trust in the Lord and He will work it out for your benefit. Empty phrases like, Just suck it up and put on your big girl pants or, Just put a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Don't worry, everything will be fine. But really that is not entirely true. It is not helpful and it is not scriptural. A false sense of happiness is not honesty with ourselves or others.

Sometimes we are not delivered from our trials. Despite our prayers, despite our trust or our faithfulness. Sometimes God chooses not to deliver us to what we consider our benefit. People die. Children die. Jobs are lost. Spouses leave.

Some people walk away. They fall away. They say, Christianity is a crutch. Or, Is God really there? Miracles never happen to me. You make your own destiny. It's too narrow minded. It's no fun.

Father as I sit at this desk facing my struggles today help me to remember Hezekiah's reaction to tribulation. He tore his clothes, refusing to fake it with smiles and false happiness. He covered himself with sackcloth, refusing to fall away, saying to the Lord I will stay here with You even when You take me through the fire. He went to the house of the Lord, refusing to forsake the God He loved and had put his trust in. He prayed saying this is a day of distress. He acknowledged that You, the Only God, the One True God, rule all the earth. O God SEE me. O God HEAR me. O God SAVE me. SO THAT, and here is the reason, it may show all the earth that You are a God who is able to deliver us. Honor the fact that we bring our petitions to You. Defend us Lord. Send Your angel out as we pray.

John 16 In the world you WILL have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Jame 1 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

I Peter 5 Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Luke 22 Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours, be done. And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony He prayed more earnestly; and His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

The Husband

Psalm 118 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever! Let Israel say, His steadfast love endures forever. Let the house of Aaron say, His steadfast love endures forever. Let those who fear the Lord say, His steadfast love endures forever. Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side, I will not fear. What can man do to me? The Lord is on my side as my helper, I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

I love my husband. I love to hear what other people have to say about him. People say, He is a nice guy, and he is. The say, He is handsome, and he is. They say, He is such a great Dad, and he is. He is a lot of things to a lot of people. He is the most generous man that I have ever known, he is well traveled and well spoken, he is great at all kinds of sports and is a wonderful host.

But do you know what he is to me?

He has given to me something that I have never known before, the thing that I cherish above all else. He gives me freedom. To fly. To dream. He encourages me to be, me. In every area of our lives from the way I decorate the house to the clothes I wear. From our travels to my career. This is his greatest gift to me.

This is a godly trait. In fact, Ken gives me as my physical husband what Jesus gave to me as my spiritual husband. Not a license to sin but the offering of trust. In both relationships there are some things that just cannot be. Both relationships require faithfulness, for example.

Matthew 22 Teacher which is the greatest commandment in the Law? And He said to him, You shall love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all you mind. This is the great and first commandment

And do you, Connie, take this man? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and obey him; for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad and forsaking all others will you cling only to him as long as you shall live?

Ruth 1 Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following after you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.

I don't remember which came first in our marriage....me loving Ken with everything that I have or his gift of trust and freedom; but we do not have one without the other. I do know which came first with the Lord. He set me free. And that compels me. He has captivated me and drawn me aside, calling me to relationship. To privacy. To intimacy.

Song of Solomon He brought me to the banqueting house and his banner over me was love...Arise my love, my beautiful one and come away....I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine....I am my beloved's and his desire is for me.

Psalm 118 His steadfast love endures forever. Out of my distress I called on the Lord, the Lord answered me and set me free.

Proverbs 31 She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.

Genesis 1 And God saw everything that He had made and behold, it was very good.

Psalm 84 For the Lord God is sun and shield, the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

Romans 8 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

Ken... We may not always get it just right and as long as we are flesh and blood, we never will. Thank you. Day by day you show me the Fathers love, a giving love. Steadfast love that endures....forever.