The Stages

Exodus 17 All the congregation of the people of Israel moved on from the wilderness of Sin by stages, according to the commandment of the Lord, and camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink.

So He speaks to me today of sin, disobedience, hypocrisy and consequence.

I have known people, unbelievers, who say that they will remain in that state due to the hypocrisy in Christians. Sin, to be blunt. They claim that Christians should live a certain way and that they do not. They claim Christians to by hypocritical. Sometimes I agree.

I wish I could tell you that from the day I met the Lord and placed my trust in Him to save me from my sin, from myself, that I have never been the same again. That I gave it all up for Christ and that I have never looked back.

Some things are different. My final destination, for example.

But what is really different is that He dwells in me. That is the difference. What remains the same, is me. The only good thing in me, is Him.

And like the children of Israel I am moving from the wilderness of Sin by stages, according to the commandment of the Lord. (And yes, I realize that I am taking some liberty here with the Scriptures) So why stop there :) Right?

It took my many, many years to give up cigarettes. I knew that smoking caused cancer. I was ashamed to be a smoker. I feared the end result of smoking. My children hated it. It smells awful. But I remember when it became SIN to me. (And here comes the second part of the liberty)...

But there was no water for the people to drink.

My water, my life, the Holy Spirit began to dry up.

Every time I would pray for safety for my family, for deeper understanding of His Word, for a closer relationship with Him or for a place of usefulness in Israel, I would know that there was this elephant in the room that I was avoiding. And I remember the day He said, Stop.

I have required something of you, Connie. The smoking. And you know it. So until then, stop asking Me for anything. I will not hear.

Maybe you walked away from every form of sin in your life when you became a Christian and you have never looked back. Praise the Lord!

But I struggle.

I am coming out of sin by stages. By the commandment of the Lord. With the help of the Water and the Blood. Out of darkness and into His glorious light. It is where I want to be really. I am not sure why I fight it so much.

I don't want to be hypocrite. I don't want people to look at my life and see nothing of Christ in me. But I can tell you this, if you see anything of worth in me, it's Him. Hopefully, He is increasing in me and I am beginning to fade away.

Father, thank You for Your patience with me. Thank You for leading me through the wilderness and bringing me out the other side. Shine in me Father. May they see less of me and more of You.

The Balloon

Proverbs 21 The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.

As I am writing this entry I am enjoying the most beautiful view on this most beautiful morning. From the french doors of our living room in Albuquerque the sun is beginning to rise over the Sandia Mountains, their peaks still iced with snow. I am told that the name, Sandia, means watermelon which is appropriate because in the afternoon when the sunset lies on the face of the rocks they glow pink. But at sunrise they are blue-gray. Rising up over the banks of the Rio Grande are the famous hot air balloons of New Mexico. The float by my windows blocking out the sun momentarily. They are so peaceful, so colorful. They are like souls. Rising and falling. Carried by the wind. Led by the pilot. And at the end of their journey they are folded like a tent and put away.

The King's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord, He turns it wherever He will.

Yesterday (and for about the one millionth time) I was amazed at how much my Father has a active role in my life. How could I ever forget that I do not walk this life alone or in my own strength? I come again to the realization that the dreams in my heart were placed there for a purpose. The hope that I have for Israel, for travel nursing, for my job and my desires come from my Father. They are not of my own design.

For the last few months Ken and I have been working toward taking a travel assignment in New York city. I have never been there and it seems very far out of reach for a girl from Flat Rock Alabama. But since it has become a desire in both our hearts to try, we decided to pay for the very expensive nursing license and put my name in the pot with the thousands of travel nurses hoping to land a job in Manhattan.

It has been a long process but finally, on Thursday, I got confirmation. I have a New York license to practice as a registered nurse. My recruiter sent my profile over to an oupatient chemotherapy center at Memorial Sloan-Kettering in Manhattan.

On Friday afternoon a lady that I like a lot came in for her chemotherapy so I stopped by to chat with her for a moment. She is a nurse as well and so we have some things in common and we are about the same age. During our conversation she asked where we planned on going for our next travel assignment and I told her how Ken and I have this feeling that we should try to go to New York. I will paraphrase somewhat the conversation that followed....

Oh really, what a coincidence, my sister lives in upstate New York. She is an oncology doctor.

Oh, wow, where?

She works in Manhattan?

Oh, WOW, where?

Memorial Sloan-Kettering.

REALLY?

So what are the odds that this could happen. She gets on the phone right then, calls her sister and asks if she can help make sure that I get an opportunity to travel to Manhattan.

Coincidence?

Maybe. Not.

Who knows what the next step is, right? My Father does.

All I need to do is to leave my mind and heart open to Him. To be flexible in His hands. To hold my life loosely before Him. To offer Him what I am and to believe that it is enough.

The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.

Father I do not know all that you have planned for me but I want to be open to whatever it is. Albuquerque, Bethlehem, Jerusalem, Chattanooga, Flat Rock or Manhattan. I want my life and my work to count for Your kingdom. If I live at Shevet Achim in communal housing I am excited about that. If you send us to Bethlehem to live in Rafi's basement I am excited about that. If we live in our little cottage in Chattanooga I am excited about that. If we live in Trump Towers in Manhattan I am excited about that. My home is with my husband and in Your care. Help us to have the courage to walk through the doors that You open. Teach us to be fluid streams in Your hands, turning wherever You will.

The Bystander

Psalm 23 Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will not fear for THOU art with me.

Job 13 Though He slay me yet will I trust Him.

Two of the most beautiful verses of scripture. Hallmarks of my faith.

So last week I went to the doctor for some recurring GI problems (I won't bore you with the details) but I had an exam, some labs, an abdominal ultrasound, and just since I was going anyway, they threw in a mammogram.

Ahhh! the joys of the aging process.

On Monday I received a phone call from the breast imaging center . They would like for me to come in to the office on the following Monday because there was an "abnormality" found in my left breast. An area that was "suspicious".

The earth shifted just a little.

And when I could make my mouth work I said no thank you to next Monday, I can come tomorrow. (Who can wait for seven days?)

When I hung up the phone I took a good hard look around the room. I am sitting at my desk surrounded by my patients who are hooked up to their IV's getting their chemotherapy. Many of them are my age, and for the first time, I felt their fear. I could join them. I might be in the blue chair soon.

The rational side of my brain felt sure that this was nothing to worry about but because of my work I know how things can be. Part of me was racing ahead to lumpectomy, mastectomy, reconstruction, port placement, radiation and chemotherapy.

I was no longer just their nurse, a bystander. This could be the last day before the day that I am diagnosed with cancer.

I was a little surprised by myself. It took me a while to get centered and say, Lord, Father, You see me. You know me. You control my life. So have Your way.

My repeat mammo and ultrasound were okay. Just compressed breast tissue and not a tumor.

I have a really wonderful life and I really want to live it. But I feel some guilt in this because I take care of a lot of wonderful people who feel exactly the same way.

I can't help but think of Jesus in this circumstance. I imagine He had a pretty wonderful life in heaven. Yet He chose not be a bystander. He joined our ranks. He became intimately familiar with our weaknesses. Our pain. He suffered hunger, thirst, exposure, loss, rejection, betrayal, torture and death.

He sat in the blue chairs for us.

Hebrews 4 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who in EVERY respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin....In the days of His flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to Him who was able to save Him from death and He was heard because of His reverence. Although He was a Son, He learned obedience through what He suffered. And being made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.

Father I do not understand all the reasons that these things happen. So much suffering in this life. I do know that there is coming a day when all things will be set right. All things will be made new. There is coming a day when there will be no more cancer. No more pain. No more suffering. No more death. No more separation. I know that when this life is over, however it ends, whenever it ends, I will be with You. Forever. And that is enough for me. I love you Lord. Thank You for my job and for my patients and for having just a small taste of the fear that they are facing. Be near Lord Jesus. I need You.

The Exodus

Exodus 14 Then the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them, coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel...And in the morning watch the Lord in the pillar of fire and of cloud looked down.

Psalm 121 I lift my eyes unto the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you stumble; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold He who keeps Israel will neither slumber or sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; He will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

I have heard it said that when Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt and into the wilderness that it was to allow them to learn dependence on God, to teach them obedience to His will, to allow them to become "unEgyptianized".

Maybe.

For me, for today, it is a word of encouragement. It replicates our own walk through life for the believer.

Imagine, if you will, that Egypt represents a place of sin. A lifestyle. A forced bondage. Not only a dwelling place physically but a state of mind. And in that place we will remain until the God of all things sends a messenger to us, an ambassador who speaks into our hearts of a homeland far away. A land of freedom. A place of peace. A former land that we used to call home before a mighty empire conquered us and sentenced us to a land of slave labor and captivity. After a show of miraculous change this man leads us on a long journey to our promised land. Imagine that your life is represented with the children of Israel in the forty year journey through the wilderness to find the land of milk and honey. From Egypt up to Jerusalem.

Led by the Spirit of God. Protected by the angels of God. Kept by the power of God.

And, just like that great exodus, life is filled with difficulty. A pursuing army. Heat and cold. Thirst and hunger. Fatigue and sickness. Laughter and tears. Times of great miracles and lapses of faith. Celebrations and broken hearts. Births and funerals. All of the highs and lows of walking this life.

What is the one thing that remains constant in this journey? He never leaves. In forty years He never leaves them alone or unprotected. The Bible says that God went before them, walked among them and stood behind them. A cloud of protection from the dessert sun during the day. A could of fire to give them heat during the night. A pillar of fire between them and their enemies. A stream of water in the dessert when they were thirsty. A cake of manna that appeared every morning when they were hungry. And a promised law written on tablets of stone.

Matthew 7 Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Father. You are all things to me. My deliverer, protector, shield and sword. You have lead me and provided for me and loved me all of my life. You have given me life. Daily life. New life. Eternal life. Thank You for always being there.

He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold He who keeps Israel will neither slumber or sleep.

The Elephant

Exodus 14 For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.

They say that to tame an elephant for the circus the trainers would use heavy chains around the elephant's ankle to teach them that it was impossible to wander away. In the beginning the elephant would pull against the chain but eventually he would become convinced that he was bound for life. And at that point the chain could be replaced by a string; a string that could be easily broken if tested. But by this time the elephant no longer attempted to escape. He has accepted his role in the circus.

The children of Israel had been taken away to Egypt as slaves to a mighty people with a massive army. They were worked hard and treated poorly and over time they had accepted their way of life. Even the mighty miracles performed by Moses through the power of Almighty God could not convince them that they were being set free. After they plundered the Egyptians and settled by the sea the Bible says that God hardened Pharaoh's heart once again and he set out to bring the people of Israel back to Egypt as slaves once more.

And that is where we find them here in Exodus 14.

For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.

Success was never an option. Deliverance never entered their minds. They were slaves and in their minds the chains were no longer necessary. Any string would do.

And maybe, but for these next words, they would have turned without a fight and walked back to Egypt. Slaves.

But Moses said to the people, Fear not. Stand firm. And see the salvation of the Lord. He will work you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you.

The Lord said to Moses, Why do you cry to Me? Tell the people to go forward.

In other words, Gather the courage to pull at the chains one more time and realize that you are free. You were only a captive in your mind.

I heard a statistic recently that claims that one in four women are living in some form of abuse or addiction. Chained. Defeated. Success is not an option for them. Deliverance never crosses their minds. Trapped between the sea and a mighty people with a massive army they walk willingly into bondage.

The road to freedom is a long one that begins with a very scary first step. I know. I have been there. I am still there. So let me tell you what I know. You will find firm ground under your feet. He will be there. Every step.

Fear not. Stand firm. Quit crying and move forward. See the salvation of the Lord. He will fight for you.

Exodus 14 The people of Israel walked on dry ground through the sea.

Father You alone can bring us out of bondage. Thank You for giving me someone in my life who finally said, Fear not. Stand firm. Quit crying and move forward. I pray that You will plant this where it needs to be. I love You and I am so grateful for this walk out of darkness and into Your glorious light.

The Guarantee

Ephesians 1 ...that you my know what is the hope to which He has called you.

...you were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it.

There is a profound peace to be found in knowing that you are living in the hope of the life that He has called you to.

It is the only way to peace.

In John 14 Jesus says, Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. (And in what form did this peace come?)

John 14 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you the Helper to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him.

So to give us His peace our Father sent us a guarantee. A promise. A written promise in the form of a person. A living, breathing, ever present Helper. The Spirit of truth itself.

Wonderful. Merciful. Savior. You have done ALL things well.

You have given us life. You have promised us eternal life. And if that were not enough You sent us a personal guarantee, a Helper to guide us along the road of peace. The road that leads us home. To You.

If you are a believer then this is making sense to you because you have experienced this for yourself. It is my hope that this is stirring within your heart a sense of profound gratitude and overwhelming love for the One who could, and would do such wondrous things for you.

But if you have not experienced being indwelt by the Holy Spirit of God this may sound a little strange or scary to you. Maybe even a little insane.

But can you, for a moment, just ask yourself this question, Is this true? Is it possible?

Is is possible that there is a supreme God of this world and that He longs for a relationship with me? Is is true that He has made a way for this very thing? Can He be found and trusted? Can He live and breathe inside this life and bring me to a place of reconciliation and relationship with Him? Does He long for that very thing?

If you can open your heart and mind up the possibility and you can find it within yourself to ask Him for an awareness of who He is I believe that He will make Himself known to you.

Jeremiah 29 You will seek me and find me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.