The Twelve

John 6    Do you take offense at this?....It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all.  The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.  But there are some of you who do not believe.....After this many of His disciples turned back and no longer walked with Him.

So Jesus said to the Twelve, Do you want to go away as well?

Simon Peter answered Him, Lord, to whom shall we go?

You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.

Over the last six years I have a thought that haunts me sometimes.  What if I had chosen not to go to Nightfall on the night that Ken and I met.

It is a possibility that frightens me.

Sometimes at night we sit in front of a fire or wrapped up on the couch or a patio somewhere and turn our photos for the last few years into a slideshow and just watch our lives play out in pictures.  Over 14,000 photos that I cannot bear to part with.

Photos of our kids at our wedding.  Birthdays, Christmases and holidays and Kate :).  Central Park.  The Grand Canyon.  Jerusalem.  17 mile drive.  So many wonderful days.

What if I had made a different choice????   Knowing Ken has forever changed my life and I do not believe it was accidental.

So Jesus said to the Twelve, Do you want to go away.

Lord, to whom shall we go.

It is more than a decision that Peter makes.  It is a recognition of that fact than in choosing Christ he changes forever the direction of his life.  He changes his destiny.  This may be the day that everything that ever would be in Peter's life was determined.

Being in a relationship with Ken was life changing for me.

Being in a relationship with Christ was life saving for me.  In every single way.

We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God.

Peter must have been firmly convinced of this because the rest of his life was lived out telling others just how much he had come to love and know the man who was his friend, his mentor and his Lord.  He was willing to die to see Christ's kingdom come.

Lord, to whom shall we go?

The Simplicity

John 6   Then they said to Him, What must we do to be doing the works of God?

Jesus answered them, This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent....For this is the will of My Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in Him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.

Simplistic.

Now I know what you might be thinking....This is not the whole story.  There must be more do to.  There must be some requirements to secure my place in heaven.  Where is the list?

But for today and for this story there is nothing to be done other than believing.  And sometimes, and for some people,....believing is the hardest part.  Because it is our beliefs that change the way we choose to live our lives.

For example....I believe in the law of gravity and that pretty much prevents me from attempting to attach a kite to my back and jump off the house (even though I have always wanted to try it).  There is a house up on the hill from our apartment that is one of the prettiest places I have ever seen but I believe that if I wrote a check for it that it would not clear the bank.  I believe that if I break the law that I will go to jail so my life is really driven by those things that I hold to be true in my mind and heart.

And I believe that I must deal with the man, Jesus Christ.  I have a choice to believe or not and I am persuaded that this is the most important decision that I will ever make.

Some people obviously have found a way to fly with just a body suit and some people buy things that they can't afford and some people break the law and never go to jail but I am not much of a risk taker.  It's not worth it to me to prove a point.  It is also not worth it for me to just die and see what happens.

I believe that there is a yes or no answer that is required of me.  Will I believe in the life of Christ?

This blog is an answer to that question.  I do not kid myself about having any great writing ability or having new or original thoughts.  I am a simple girl with simple faith and when I read these verses I believe in what they say.

This is the will of My Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes on Him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.

The Robe

Psalm 102   Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord...
                  That He looked down from His holy height, from heaven the Lord looked at the earth, to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die that they may declare in Zion the Name of the Lord and in Jerusalem His praise when people gather together and kingdoms to  worship the Lord...

Of old You laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of Your hands.  They will perish but You will remain; they will all wear out like a garment.  You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, but You are the same, and Your years have no end.


Do you know those dreams you have at night that linger around the edges of your consciousness in the morning?  The feeling that you have forgotten something of great importance?

Yeah, me too.

This coming week wraps up another travel nursing contract in the world of outpatient chemotherapy, this time at City of Hope in Pasadena, and I don't know if it is because of this or just the nature of my work in general but I woke this morning to a dream about the end.  The end of life for me.

You change them like a robe, and they will pass away.

Such amazing courage it takes to face cancer or any other such disease.  I witness those that I care for clawing and scratching for life.  Through chemo, surgery, radiation as well as the daily struggles of normal life they draw on strengths that they never thought would be there.

Even greater resolve is needed to let go; to stop fighting and to just BE until the end.

As for me these thoughts always come with a haunting question....Where does this strength come from?  And what does the answer to this question leave me with?

If you follow this blog then you know to whom I give credit for my own life.  What He has done for me has played out in the pages of this work.  The question is, Where does your strength come from?  And what does the answer to that leave you with?

One thing is certain...

They will perish but You will remain; they will ALL wear out like a garment.  You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away.

As I write this and the dream flutters around the edges of my memory I see myself there in the dream being content....feeling complete and whole, utterly happy as my Father slips a new robe onto my shoulder.  I am no longer becoming....anything.  I just am.

He looked down from His holy height, from heaven the Lord looked at the earth, to hear the groans of the prisoners, to set free those who were doomed to die that they may declare in Zion the Name of the Lord.

Maybe this is what it is like in the end, a groaning to be released from a prison of disease or disability.  Maybe we will finally see the ultimate mystery of death and welcome it like a friend and find there all that was ever required for happiness.