The Devout

Psalm 53 God looks down from heaven on the children of man to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all fallen away, together they have become corrupt, there is none who does good, not even one.

Last week I was in Jerusalem. Again. Today I am back at home in Tennessee. It really is a small world. Its seems kind of large when you get stuck in the airport for two days and nearly get arrested and cannot get a flight out but really, it is quite small :)

He came unto His own and His own received Him not.....

Is there a more devout group of men and women in all the world than the orthodox Jews? They are easy to spot anywhere in the world. Severe in dress. Strict in diet. Adherent to the Law of Moses. Bearing in their bodies the weight of the Old Testament. They spend their entire lives reading the Torah. Devoting themselves to prayer. Longing for their Messiah. And quite possibly the most tragic people of all time. Many of them never coming to the knowledge of the fact that the thing they desire above all else to witness...has already happened. And they have missed it.

II Corinthians 3 Since we have such a hope, we are very bold, not like Moses who would put a veil over his face so that the Israelites might not gaze at the outcome of what was being brought to an end. But their minds were hardened. For to this day when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted because only through Christ is it taken away. Yes to this day when Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts. But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

How great a tragedy that we would miss the only thing that really matters.

My mother tells of a recurrent dream of living in a house of poverty. Always hungry and cold. Never having sufficiency of excess. Only surviving. In her dream she lived this way for all of her life. One day, as an elderly lady, she notices a door previously unopened. Upon turning the handle, she finds luxurious paradise. Abundance. Extravagance. But the joy of this discovery is overshadowed completely by the knowledge that everything she had ever dreamed of wanting, was within her reach for the entirety of her life.

So may I say to you, If you have it all or if you have nothing, if you get one thing out of this life or from this author....get Christ. Seek Him while He may be found. Follow hard after Him until He reveals Himself to you and then become His. Heart. Soul. Body. Life. There is nothing so important as this. Do not miss the most important, the eternal significant, of being found in Him. Count everything else as secondary to discovering who He is and what He has planned for you.

It is almost Passover and some in Jerusalem say that an attempt will be made again this year to begin offering animal sacrifices on the Temple Mount. For those who bear the name of Christ this surely must cause pain. The blood of animals was never sufficient to remove the sins of the people. The adequate sacrifice has already been given. The debt is atoned. The sin is covered. It is a gift worth having. Do not miss it.

The Sacrifice

Matthew 9 As Jesus passed on from there, He saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth, and He said to him, Follow Me. And he rose and followed Him. And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and His disciples. And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners? But when He heard it, He said, Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, I desire mercy, and not sacrifice. For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.

This morning I am sitting in the garden with my Bible and notes and breakfast of pita, hummus and hot tea. I am at rest. And considering the fact that we are taking three families to the park later, I may need peace and rest :)

Isaiah 58 And you shall be like a well watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

And I ask the Lord, What does this mean? I desire mercy and not sacrifice?

For me, for today, it is this...I find that it is sometimes easier to do for Jesus than it is to just be with Jesus. For example, it was easier to shave my head than to have mercy in my heart. It was easier to quit smoking than to forgive offenses. It is easier to pay for a ticket here than to live peacefully in my heart with this city. A task can be accomplished in a set amount of time. Relationships require long term effort. Compromise. Respect.

Read through the Gospels again and see how much is written about Jesus' tasks, occupation, education or scheduled appointments. What you will find is line after line of His interacting with people; His relationships with people.

So when Jesus comes to Matthew He says, Follow Me. Where? To dinner at your house with all your friends, who are sinners. To the sick. To the lost. To those who need a physician. A Savior.

And to the religious Pharisees he says, Go and learn what this means... Learn mercy. Do a little less and be a little more.

Isaiah 58 Behold in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure...to quarrel and fight. Fasting like yours will not make your voice heard on high. Is not this the fast that I choose, to loose the bonds of wickedness....to let the oppressed go free...to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house. Then shall light break forth...and the Lord will guide you continually in scorched places...and you shall be like a well watered garden.

Micah 6 With what shall I come before the Lord and bow myself before God on high? Shall I come before Him with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams; with ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul? He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God.

Psalm 51 For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; You will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Father would you give to me the gift of mercy. Thank You for reminding me that You love mercy, graciousness, hospitality and friendship more than our sacrifices to You. Father teach me to see You as You really are, to see others as You see them and to see myself as You see me. Teach me to listen more and talk less. Slow to speak; slow to anger.

The Debate

Ephesians 4 And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the Head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

There was some controversy at the house of Shevet Achim today over doctrinal issues such as whether women should be silent in Church. A divided table with tears and frustration. And for what? Do we honor the Lord with this? Is His name lifted up in this? Is He glorified among us?

Job 38 Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Dress for action, like a man, I will question you and you will answer Me. Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me if you have understanding! Who determined its measurements-surely YOU know!! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

For thirty three chapters in the book of Job men debate over who God is; what He desires; what He is like and how He thinks. And then finally, mercifully in chapter 38 God Himself appears and shuts the mouths of those who boast of such lofty knowledge of the Almighty God. And after God is finished speaking Job replies to Him with these words...

Job 42 Then Job answered the Lord and said, I know that You can do all things....therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. I had HEARD of You by the hearing of the ear, by now my eyes SEE you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

Father I will not pretend to understand all mysteries or have all knowledge. I will not lean on my own understanding or fleshly knowledge. I will bring my questions to You for You are the ultimate authority and I will put no confidence in my, or anyone's else's, abilities to interpret Scripture. Father speak into my heart the truth of who You are and how You see me.

The Silver

Matthew 26 Then one of the twelve, whose name was Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, What will you give me if I deliver Him over to you? And they paid him thirty peices of silver. And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray Him.

Some days, some things and some people will just not go our way. The question is this...How will we deal with that truth.

If you follow this blog then you know I try to be transparent and honest with my feelings so here we go....

Today I thought I might get to make the trip to Gaza to pick up the newest group of kids and take them to Wolfson Medical Center and since I am a nurse and being with the children in the hospital was one of the main reasons that I came here, I was looking forward to the trip. This is my field, this is my heart, this was my plan. But there was not enough room for me in the van so instead I was asked to stay behind and clean the downstairs common rooms, begining with the men's bathroom...which was ALMOST just as fun :)

So I put on some cow pulling gloves and some Phillips, Craig and Dean, rolled up my pants legs, swallowed my hurting ego and cleaned. And while I cleaned I asked the Lord, Why exactly am I here? And to answer that question, He leads me to the story of Judas and asks me a question, Why do you think Judas betrayed his leader, his teacher and his friend. I am sure that there are many reasons for this but today the thought comes that maybe, at least in part, it was because Jesus would not become what Judas wanted Him to be.

So the Lord speaks to me, What is it that you want Me to be for you, Connie? Have you found fault in Me? Will you turn from Me when things don't go your way. Like Judas. Like countless others. Is there anything in heaven or on earth that could turn your heart from following after me?

Phillipians 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

So as the Lord and I clean the bathroom, mop the floors and dust the furniture He reminds me of the price He paid for my soul and how He was willing to humble Himself for me. How He gave it all up for me and for you. He tells me that He sees me and that He is pleased with me and that He loves me and I just have to stop and say Father, again, forgive me for selfishness. Rid me of this pride and self centeredness.

The List

Galatians 5 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery...For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love. You were running well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion is not from Him who calls you.

One thing that is common to most religious sects is the list; and as long as you keep the list, you are pleasing to the god of the list. You know the list I am talking about; don't touch this, don't say that; don't go here; don't wear that.

The premise is this; the closer you stick to the list, the more acceptable you are to the group and the more you are loved by god. One obvious danger then is that it becomes about us and our abilities to please. Another danger is that less emphasis is placed on our hearts, thoughts and intents and the focus of our being is one of checking off the list each day. As the body becomes enslaved to the burden of the list, the joy is destroyed, the relationship is lost and the heart becomes darkened.

The flip side of this coin might be just as damaging and teaches that God cares not what you do with your body, He only desires your heart allowing liberties to be taken with the flesh. And there is the rub...always the flesh.

If you think about it both of these premises appeal to the flesh. The first gives us a feeling of accomplishment in our own abilities and the second gives us instant gratification of our fleshly desires. Rules to follow or the flesh to indulge.

For freedom Christ has set us free.

Did you know that when He redeemed you from slavery to sin, hell and the grave He also relieved us of the slavery to the list. It is not a group of rules that He wishes for you to follow. It is your heart that He is after and when He owns that, the life will change. It will no longer be a case of what I should, ought and must, it will be a life spread out before Him that follows wherever He leads.

There are boundaries to this freedom that we have in Christ. Like a pendulum that swings both ways, ever straying farther and farther to each side of their center, we must find balance within our walk with the Lord. It is this writers belief that if we stick closer to the man than the list that we will never lose our way, or let others unload burdens onto our backs that we were never meant to bare.

If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed. Amen?

Father, I love Your word and Your laws are just. Teach me to balance judgement with mercy. Help me to remember that we are all in different places in our walk with you and that You alone lead us in the paths of righteousness and as long as my life is lived within the context of the Holy Scriptures and led by the Holy Spirit that I need not let lay unecessary burdens on my life. I will look to You Father and release my list into Your hands.

The Hiding Place

Psalm 27 For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of His tent...

Today I feel very small, insignificant...lost. And the Helper leads me here....He will conceal me under the cover of His tent. He will hide me under the shelter of His wings. And there I find comfort for I feel wounded in this place. I believe that the Lord is allowing me to feel, at least somewhat, what the Iraqi mothers upstairs must feel. This feels like the beginning of a new gift from My Father, this empathy, this buden bearing of others and sometimes, I must tell you that I struggle accepting this. Like a child wriggling to be released from the arms of an adult to be free, to run and play.

The mothers upstairs are far from home; from their husbands and other children. They are strangers here in this strange land where offenses are easily accomplished. They are befeft of their autonomy, privacy, space and personal belongings and this loss of control of their surroundings leads them to actions that express those feelings of sadness, anger or frustration. And unlike me, they are without the Helper, the Holy One of God.

So as I allow the Lord to shelter me and tend to my wounds, He comforts me.

And now my head shall be lifted up...You have said, Seek My face. My heart says to You, Your face O Lord, do I seek. For His is the only face that I know here, the only One who knows me, understands me or feels tenderly toward me. I am not alone here for Thou art with me.

Teach me Your way, O lord, and lead me on a level path. I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.

Now is the time for courage and strength.

I lift my eyes unto the hills from whence shall come my help? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Father I ask You to conceal me in the covering of Your tent and hide me in the shelter of Your wings. Protect my heart Lord and protect those in this house from harm. Perhaps an even greater danger is to protect us from callousness. Rid us of the ability to turn a deaf ear and to become so busy working and serving that we fail to love or give of ourselves to the people we are here to serve. Keep us from selfishness and remind us of why we are here. This is all for You Lord, this is all for You. You're the King of the world. You're the King of the world.

The Head

Ephesians 5 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her...

There are some Scriptures that stop me in my tracks and I must just sit and let them steep.

And then there are Scriptures like these that I would rather read quickly and move right along :)

Today Donna and I drove to Tel Aviv to pick up my luggage, at last and hallelujah, and to Wolfson to pick up some meds. I love the drive to Tel Aviv and today was a perfect weather day. We put the windows down; let the warm breeze in, enjoyed the cloudless sky and I just soaked it all in. I am grateful to the Lord for allowing me to be here. We talked most of the way, getting to know each other but on the way home we fell quiet and I asked again of the Lord the question that has been on my mind for last few weeks. How long, Lord?

On the night that the Lord first spoke to me regarding coming to Israel, He was very specific. You must become a nurse. You must prepare your heart. You must quit smoking. I like plain speaking.

The question I have been asked the most recently is, How long are you staying? I am sure that this is partly due to the fact that I came alone but my friends ask, my children ask, the staff here ask and I have not had an answer for them because I did not have an answer from the Lord. I booked my ticket for ninety days from my original flight because I had to pick a date of some kind and ninety days is how long that my travel visa is good for. But the truth is that I have been asking the Lord the same question, How long?

So today, while it was quiet, driving back to Jerusalem I ask again...Lord, will you tell me how long? And so He speaks..... No.

No, your husband will tell you when to come home.

Really? Seriously?....Really. And He says, There will come a day when your husband will call and say, I want you to come home. You will be pleased and I will be pleased and Ken will be pleased. And suddenly I realize, at least in part, why I am here. This trip is to help me learn to be submissive, not only to the Lord but to those who have authority, under God, over me. And to be honest, that bites me just a little. The truth is also that I want to hear my husband say to me, come home. The truth is that I really want him to be the head of our household because it is his rightful place and I trust him with everything that I have. And it is the way that the Lord designed and planned it for it to be. What I have found in this is that I am more peaceful; more content; more relaxed.

My Father is the ultimate authority and Ken is the head of our house. While I am in Jerusalem I am under compulsion to obey the laws of this country. I am compelled to try to not to offend this culture. I must submit myself to the rules of this house. But my body and my heart belong to my husband and I find enormous comfort in that.

Father, You are so wise and just in all Your ways. You know my tendancy to want to control and to be in charge but really, in my heart, I am at rest only when my plans line up with Your will. Thank You for speaking Lord. Teach me to hear and obey.

I love you Ken. This is my love. This is my friend.

The Perspective

Isaiah 12 Give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name, make known His deeds among the peoples, proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing praises to the Lord for He has done gloriously; let this be made known in all the earth. Shout and sing for joy, O inhabitants of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.

Sometimes all that is needed is a change of perspective. So I ask the question....Do I have the mind of Christ? Am I presenting to those people that I meet a genuine love and concern for their sould or am I just, in my own strength, attempting to be polite and get through it.

What I have found is that very soon our feelings such as frustration, resentment and anger begin to surface when we attempt to love others in our own strength. It is only through allowing Christ to change my perspective that I can interact with others in a true spirit of love. I am not capable of doing it on my own.

One of the challenges in being at Shevet Achim is learning to live in community and bringing yourself under authority. All things being common to the group; sharing tasks and space and finding areas in which to be alone just to pray, read or write. Most meals are shared and flexibility is required. We take turns in the bathroom, cooking and cleaning up. How is it possible to do this for very long without feeling claustrophobic or irritated? And for this answer we must look to Jesus who taught this concept of living in community and perfected it.

Jesus chose for Himself twelve very different companions; men with varying backgrounds, occupations, educational levels, temperament and ego. Through the gospels we see some of their struggles and learn that usually the conflicts centered around one or more of these men desiring to be in charge; either of a certain situation, a place of leadership within the group or a place of precedence over another. And over and over Jesus teaches them the principle of being a servant; being obedient; being submissive; being last. And most of us despise being last whether it means having the last word, being the last chosen, the last in line or the last to know.

So for today I will pray to Jesus to teach me the concept of living well in community and that He will have the precedence in this house and in our hearts. I will look to Him and give Him His rightful place as the Supreme One, the first One and the last word. In everything.

Give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name, make known His deeds among the peoples, proclaim that His name is exalted. Sing praises to the Lord, for He has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion, for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.

The Luggage

Luke 12 Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.

The Lord always knows how to speak directly into my heart. Piercing me with His perception; knowing all the little places in my heart where I try to hide myself from Him. He is wise and discerning and I have to say again, Amen Lord Jesus, You are just in all your ways and I am undone by Your intimate knowledge of the thought and intent of my heart.

I arrived in Tel Aviv yesterday. My luggage did not. And I am American girl and I do not do well without my comforts and my "stuff".

Be on your guard Connie, for life is more than possessions.

As I sit writing this I can hear the children laughing and playing upstairs and He speaks....

Look to ME, Connie. Be distracted by nothing. Let me supply all that you need. Give all to Me.

These things that you think you cannot live without are distracting you from My purpose, from Me. These things will never fill the desire in your heart. It is meant to be filled with me alone.

Today I am still getting over the time change and the lack of sleep is making me feel strange. It has been hard for me to concentrate or have a conversation without being distracted. But things change in a moment.

One of the mothers has fallen on the stone floor in the kitchen and they call for me. She is pregnant. Suddenly I am as awake as I have ever been. After a trip to a local doctors office and then to a hospital in Ramallah, mom and baby are both doing well. No bleeding, no fluid loss, heartbeat looks great and no dilation of the cervix. Just a sore and scared mom.

And as I am sitting here typing this I must ask my Father to fogive me for my petty selfishness. Again. I needed to be reminded of why I am here. Life is more than possessions.

We were made for community. With God and with each other and the families in the house at Shevet Achim do community really well. And maybe that can be attributed to the fact that their focus is on their children. If the health of your child is threatened then it doesn't matter as much if clothes aren't Downy soft or your favorite moisturizer is in another county.

I miss my husband, my house, my kids, my church and my friends. I guess the mom's upstairs do as well but they realize that they need to be here in order for their kids heart to heal. Maybe I need to be here for a similar reason.

Lord I love You, I love You, I love You. Watch over all of those that my heart loves in the US. Keep me from covetousness, lonliness, fearfulness and selfishness. Give me a heart to love like You love and eyes to see Your people the way You see them. Give me strength Lord and courage, be near Lord for I need You now.