The Light

I have heard it said, "If you make a mistake go back to the beginning and start again".

Genesis 1  In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep.  And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

And God said, Let there be light.  And there was light.  And God saw that the light was good.

Over the last few month I have asked myself some very serious questions about God and the Bible.  Do I really believe?  Is it really true?

I am exposed to lots of different belief systems and theologies in my travels and in my work.  I meet a lot of people who are convinced of a lot of "truths".  Maybe the patients that I care for who are dying make the biggest impression on me because they are desperate for truth about what really happens when you die.  But for the most part I have found that there are as many different philosophies as there are fingerprints and almost everyone has their own sense of what truth is to them.

So, if you are interested I will share with you my conclusion.  Do I believe?

Yes I do.  Not because I grew up in the Bible belt or because I came from a Christian family.  I do not believe because it is popular with my dying patients.  I do not believe because I need to or am afraid not to.  I don't believe because it makes sense to me.

I believe for what He has done for me.  Period.

I believe for Who He Is to me.

I was dark and void and without shape or function.  I was lost and wasted.  I was without direction or purpose or meaning.  I was adrift.

Until the moment He came to me I was desperate and He spoke life and light into my life.  I will be perfectly honest with you and tell you that this alone is what holds me to Him.  It is the point that I cannot get away from.  It is the truth that will not let me go.  It is the only thing that I know.

He made a difference in me that nothing else could.  Not religion, not Church, not therapy, not college or kids or drugs or sex or anything else under the sun (and I tried pretty much everything).   He alone rescued me and gave meaning to my life.

I have not been educated or become well mannered or function as a compassionate nurse because of knowledge or etiquette.  He changed me.

And that's it.  That is why I love Him.  That is why I trust Him.  That is why I cannot let go of Him because He did for me what no one else could or would.  And that is selfish, I know but it is the truth.

He loved me into a relationship with Him that I cannot escape.

I will not try to convince you otherwise, although if you give me a chance I might, I would just submit to you that He is and that He brings light in the darkest places.  Even death.

He does this because it is His nature to love.  It is who He is.

Father I am thankful that you love me enough to let me struggle with my feelings.  You are not my crutch or my own wishful thinking.  You are my friend and my comforter.  My redeemer and the lifter of my head.