The Accuser

Psalm 38 But I am like a deaf man, I do not hear, like a mute man who does not open his mouth, I have become like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes. But for You, O Lord, do I wait; It is You, O my Lord, who will answer. For I said, Only let them not rejoice over me, who boast against me when my foot slips!...My foes are vigorous, they are mighty, and many are those who hate me wrongfully. Those who render me evil for good accuse me because I follow after good. Do not forsake me, O Lord! O my God, be not far from me! Make haste to help me. O Lord, my salvation.

There are times when we read verses like these and they have no real meaning to us personally. Later, when you are in a different place in your life, they read like prophecy or a prayer written just for you.

Today these verses mirror my very life.

"Misery loves company" is an old, but often true, cliche. It is another way of saying that we despise seeing someone else achieve when we feel like we are failing.

You hear stories of gang members shooting a fellow member when they try to leave a gang or a drug dealer who sets up another dealer if he attempts to stop selling drugs. We see it in small ways all the time when someone offers a candy bar to a person on a diet or a cigarette to someone who has vowed to quit. Maybe this should be expected of the world but it should not be found within the body of Christ.

Why then is it common among us as well? It seems that not only is there a part of us that expect others to fail, there is a part of us that takes pleasure in it.

Romans 8 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

And once again the Lord leads me to the very core of the issue. It is not that they are angry at you; they are angry at ME. It is just directed at you.

Genesis 4 Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard to Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

Again, why? Because he was angry at God, maybe? Jealous? Feeling inadequate within himself? And maybe because we hate to see someone succeed where we feel we are failing.

Instead of dealing with our core feelings about ourselves and our God, we strike out against those who are closest to us, usually our family, and especially if they are doing better, in our minds, than we are.

So how are we to deal with people who are angry at themselves and at God and who just happen to be directing that anger at us?

Well for me, for today the answer came in the first verses....But I am like a deaf man, I do not hear, like a mute man who does not open his mouth, I have become like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes. But for YOU, O Lord, do I wait; It is YOU, O my Lord, who will answer.....those who render me evil for good accuse me because I follow after good. Do not forsake me, O Lord! O my God, be not far from me! Make hast to help me. O Lord, my salvation.

Father thank you so much for REAL, PRACTICAL, day to day help. As I learn to bring my complaints or questions to You Lord remember that I am quick to anger and slow to hear and nearly deaf so speak clearly Father the way in which you have me live, react and walk this life with those around me. It's hard Lord to just be quiet and still and let You lead. It goes against the flesh but that is my reassurance that it is from You. My Spirit says AMEN.

The Stream

Proverbs 21 The kings heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.

This is one of those verses that just stops me, the kind of verse that lingers in your thoughts and trickles down into your soul.

What an awesome tribute; maybe one of the greatest testaments in all of Scripture, to have a life that is flexible in His hands and fluid to His will.

I want this to be my testimony.

But part of me wants in the same way that I want a Bowflex body. :) I want it in a dreamy sort of way, but not enough to actually do what is required to obtain it.

So today it seems the topic is laziness. There is a paradox here also. Having a Bowflex body is all about self-discipline. The harder I work, the more results I see. In the physical the end result, the body I have, is largely up to ME. How I turn out is reflected in how much I am able to accomplish in my own strength.

To obtain the spiritual body, this testimony, is almost the complete opposite. I must become fluid in His hands; flexible, pliable....moldable (if that is a word). Basically, I must rest in His hand. Cease working. Stop struggling. Relax. And let Him turn me wherever He will.

There are some similarities in attaining these goals. Both bodies take time and patience, they will not happen overnight. They require faithfulness to reach the goal, steadfastness. In both bodies you see a cumulative type effect. They require you to dig deep within yourself, to endure. One type requires a deep reliance on self, the other requires a deep reliance on the Holy Spirit. Just as the physical body would need good food, consistent intake of sound nutrition and strict adherence to a low fat, low calorie, low sugar diet, the spiritual body must be constantly fed a steady diet of God's Word and prayer while removing some appetites or influences that pollute the spiritual body. The, You are what you eat, mentality applies to both forms of the body.

Probably the most significant difference is the long term results. How long will these bodies hold up?

Eventually, despite your best efforts, the human body will go to seed. The law of gravity applies to everyone. The body breaks down, wrinkles multiply, we grow old and tired and like a tent, eventually we are folded up. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

But in the spiritual body it is the opposite, I believe. We grow stronger and continue to build our strength right up until the moment we draw our last breath on this earth. We are building a body that will last for eternity. The Bible refers to it as "laying up treasure" in heaven. We are building a heavenly body while leaving behind a physical legacy.

What a wonderful promise!!

I just finished a breakfast of bacon, eggs, english muffins with raisins, butter, cinnamon and honey, along with an icy cold glass of chocolate milk. Well....there goes the Bowflex body.

The kings heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He will.

Father, hide this truth also in the garden of my soul. Plant it there and give it the gift of deep roots. Breathe into it the breath of Your life and cause it to flourish. May it become strong, like the oak and put on branches.

The Founder

Hebrews 12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

What motivates us to endure hardship?

Sometimes there is no choice. You are faced with a difficulty and there is no other choice but to endure. A death. An illness. Some things must be endured.

But what I am interest in is people who endure hardship when there is a choice; people who choose to endure for Christ.

This is an area that the Lord is having me focus on in my own life. It is a part of the gardening process what we are working through.

So we invited an overcomer for dinner last night. Haley is my daughter and she is very young in physical years but she is also a mentor for me. To me, she is a wise old soul in the way of faith. So I posed this question to her, What causes you to stay faithful and obedient to your calling for Christ when it goes against what you want; against your flesh: For instance, your choice to remain pure sexually until marriage. What held you steady?

One idea that she spoke to specifically was keeping your perspective; seeing everything in the light of eternity. For instance, Esau trading his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. In his time the birthright was everything to a man. It was not only his inheritance, it gave him the larger part of everything that was given to the family and it gave him authority over all his siblings in all areas. And because he was famished with hunger he satisfied his immediate physical desire and gave away his eternal inheritance, all for a bowl of stew. A very high price for instant gratification.

And suddenly the Helper brings this verse to my mind....Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God.

He set the example for us to follow. He perfected it.

And so He speaks to my heart.....Your life matters, Connie. Your decisions matter for eternity. Do not trade your future, your birthright, for a bowl of stew. Endure. If you could see what is waiting, if you could see how much it means, if you could keep your eyes on Me....you could endure. Just follow Me. Trust Me. Look to Me. I will be all that You need. Your every desire will be met in Me. You will drink from Me and never thirst again. I will hold you together. I will sustain you.

The Distractions

Luke 10 Jesus entered a village and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary,who sat at the Lords feet and listened to His teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to Him and said, Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me. But the Lord answered her, Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken from her.

Anxious. Troubled. Distracted. Such is the fate of the one who serves Christ but is too busy to listen to Him.

One of the things that the Lord is teaching me in this season is getting past the symptoms or behaviours that I am dealing with and getting to the core of the issue.

Do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me. For surely helping me is more important than hearing You, right?

I am becoming more convinced that we do not hear the voice of the Lord because we cannot. We flood our senses with sound, we surround our lives with busyness, we drown out any moment of silence that might allow Him to speak. We cannot hear Him for the noise of our own making. But we are still dealing with symptoms here. What is the cause?

Maybe we do not want to hear.

And now we are getting somewhere.

Maybe we are fearful of what He has to say. What if He calls me to righteousness, or to service; what if He should require something of me?

And if He cannot catch us, if He cannot be heard above the chaos of our lives then we cannot be held accountable for what we do not know.

Mary sat at the Lords feet and listened to His teaching.....Mary has chosen the good portion.

It is risky to listen to God. He cuts right to the chase. He is honest. He is pursuing us all. (Which means we must be running)

Anxious. Troubled. Distracted. And maybe a little jealous, selfish and angry in our service.

Father, I do not want You to have to pursue me. I want to follow hard after You. Give me the courage to sit at Your feet, to listen, to obey and to live in fellowship with You.

The Plow

Luke 9 And He said to all, If anyone would come after Me, let Him deny Himself and take up His cross daily and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?....And as they were going along the road, someone said to Him, I will follow You wherever You go. And Jesus said to him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head...No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.

Today the Lord asks for transparency and that is difficult.

He has also touched an area of my life and says to me, This must go. It is something that I do not really want to let go of. It is a fork in the road and we both know it.

Letting God plow us is never really easy but it is always necessary. Just as weeds constantly invade our gardens, sin is always looking for a place to grow in our lives. And just like weeds, the longer they are allowed to remain, the deeper the roots go and the harder they are to remove.

When I was thinking and planing for Israel the first time, the Lord required that that habit of smoking be left behind. The next time I left behind my "glory" :) Now He asks for something else.

Why is that, do you think?

Maybe it is because they are idols in our lives and He must be supreme; our first love. Maybe they are destructive or disease causing habits that He knows will cause us pain or damage our testimony. But maybe they are the chains that bind us to the flesh. To slavery. To this life.

I Peter 2 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover up for evil but living as servants of God.

Galatians 5 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

A couple of nights ago, in a dream, the Lord and I went to the gardening shed and gathered tools to turn over the grass in the garden of my life. This is the beginning of a new thing. Pray that He who calls me will find me faithful.

Father I invite You to plow me up. Remove the rocks and weeds. Turn up the soil of my life until You find good ground in which to plant the seed of Your Word. Make me fertile. Prune away the useless branches. Set fire to the wilderness places and set me in order. I admit that I do not like the clippers, rakes and tiller but help me to look forward to the smell of wildflowers and herbs, the taste of grapes and figs. Make me a shelter for birds and rabbits. Place a fountain of Your Holy Spirit in me and make me a well watered garden that bears fruit for Your pleasure.

The Measure

Luke 7 And Jesus said, Simon, I have something to say to you. And he answered, Say on, Teacher.

A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they could not pay, he cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love him more? Simon answered, The one, I suppose, for whom he cancelled the larger debt.

I wonder....is my love for Him reflected in my life? Do I reveal to the world the enormity of the debt that has been forgiven me? Can others see in me just how grateful I am to Him who has made me free?

Or would you suppose by the love I show Him that He must have forgiven a very small debt to me?

Then turning to the woman He said to Simon, Do you see this woman?

I entered your house; you gave me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she has anointed My feet with ointment. Therefore, I tell you her sins, which are many, are forgiven-for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.

Sometimes we are ungrateful by nature, I think. Maybe as American we have become accustomed to fair treatment or we expect a lot and give a little in return. But this is not the way of Christ. And it should not be the way for those of us who claim the name of Christ.

He has forgiven us much.

We owe Him much in return.

Does it show?

Father You have been so good to Your children. Give us the gift of gratitude. Thank You for the Holy Spirit who reminds us that we owe our lives, our freedom, our salvation, our very being to You. I want my life to reflect back to You the gratitude that is owed to You. You have forgiven me an enormous debt and I want to offer You an enormous love.

The Sower

Matthew 13 A sower went out to sow. And as He sowed some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seed fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain.

Last night as Ken and I were driving home from a singing in Georgia we were talking about the differences among believers. Why do some people give up everything for Christ and some do not? I shared with Ken that my greatest fear, my greatest weakness was, in my opinion, an inability to finish things. Why, when the Lord leads me, do I fall short in completing the tasks?

Jesus often comes to me as the Gardner. I see Him so easily in that capacity. To some He is the Healer, or Teacher, the Shepherd or the Lion but to me, He comes as the Gardener.

So last night He comes in dreams to answer me. We are in the garden, He and I, and I ask Him, Lord, why do I not finish what You begin to do in my life? And in answer He picks up a spade and puts it into the grass of my garden and reveals to me the root system. The roots are shallow, bound up in shallow soil, filled with rocks.

Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, an immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root they withered away.

I sow good seed in your life, Connie, and immediately you hear and spring up but since you have not enough soil when hard times come or things become difficulty or you decide that a task is not to your liking, you become scorched in your heart and wither away.

And all I can say to Him is, Amen.

Would you like for Me to rework the soil?

And here there is a long pause because I know that this is a fork in the road. I have seen him gather His tools before. He is an avid Gardner. He sets His garden in order. He does not tolerate weeds. He prunes without pity for He knows what branches to remove to create greater growth.

It is hard work. Sometimes it is easier to just be satisfied with a mediocre lawn. Is that what you want?

In the end we gather tools from the shed, weeders, gloves, rakes and shovels and, side by side we begin to turn over the soil.