The Silver

Matthew 26 Then one of the twelve, whose name was Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, What will you give me if I deliver Him over to you? And they paid him thirty peices of silver. And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray Him.

Some days, some things and some people will just not go our way. The question is this...How will we deal with that truth.

If you follow this blog then you know I try to be transparent and honest with my feelings so here we go....

Today I thought I might get to make the trip to Gaza to pick up the newest group of kids and take them to Wolfson Medical Center and since I am a nurse and being with the children in the hospital was one of the main reasons that I came here, I was looking forward to the trip. This is my field, this is my heart, this was my plan. But there was not enough room for me in the van so instead I was asked to stay behind and clean the downstairs common rooms, begining with the men's bathroom...which was ALMOST just as fun :)

So I put on some cow pulling gloves and some Phillips, Craig and Dean, rolled up my pants legs, swallowed my hurting ego and cleaned. And while I cleaned I asked the Lord, Why exactly am I here? And to answer that question, He leads me to the story of Judas and asks me a question, Why do you think Judas betrayed his leader, his teacher and his friend. I am sure that there are many reasons for this but today the thought comes that maybe, at least in part, it was because Jesus would not become what Judas wanted Him to be.

So the Lord speaks to me, What is it that you want Me to be for you, Connie? Have you found fault in Me? Will you turn from Me when things don't go your way. Like Judas. Like countless others. Is there anything in heaven or on earth that could turn your heart from following after me?

Phillipians 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

So as the Lord and I clean the bathroom, mop the floors and dust the furniture He reminds me of the price He paid for my soul and how He was willing to humble Himself for me. How He gave it all up for me and for you. He tells me that He sees me and that He is pleased with me and that He loves me and I just have to stop and say Father, again, forgive me for selfishness. Rid me of this pride and self centeredness.