The Doubter

James 1 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 2 You believe that God is One; you do well. Even the demons believe...

Isaiah 7 If you are not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all.

And that verse stops me. And so He speaks...Do you hear Me, Connie. If you are not firm in faith, you will not be firm at all. And to my love I answer, Lord increase my wisdom and faith according to Your promise.

It is not enough to believe in God (even the demons believe). Believing will not get you through the difficult times. Believing will not hold you steady. It will not hold you together.

It is my relationship with Christ that holds me. It is my faith; that He IS and that He is with me and in me and living through me. That He loves me and is pleased with me not because I am trying to be good but because I belong to Him. He created me, birthed me and gave me life. And that holds me.

Today is Shabbat in Jerusalem and I have spent most of the day in the courtyard garden at Shevet Achim. The city is quiet for the most part; the doves sing, the cat is watching, the children are laughing and my hands are in the rich soil of the city of God's heart and all of the sudden I am overwhelmed with that knowledge.

I see Jesus often as the gardener of Jerusalem. For some He is the Shepherd, a healer, a teacher, a king. He is those things, it's true, but to me He is always the gardener and, like me, He loves watching Jerusalem bloom.

I miss my family. I miss my husband but I must tell you that there is something within my heart when I am in the garden here where I feel Him with me. So, come Lord Jesus. Breathe into this house the sweetness of Your spirit, the calmness of Your peace and grant to us the gift of childlike faith. Be near Lord for I need You. Not just words on a page, Lord, for what manuscript could ever begin to contain You. Hold me together by Your love and goodness and mercy. Accomplish the work that You began in me Lord and give me the grace to allow You to do that.