John 21 He said to him the third time, Simon, son of John, do you love me? And Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, do you love me? And he said to Him, Lord, you know everything, you know that I love you. Jesus said to him, Truly, truly I say to you, when you were young you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go...And then He said, follow Me.
There comes a time in every believers life, sometimes many times, when our plans will not line up with Gods plan. Some people walk away, some become bitter, some pretend, some relent, some are reborn.
When I was young my mother bought me my first copy of Corrie Ten Booms' The Hiding Place and it changed my life forever. That was the beginning of my fascination with the Jewish Holocaust and my love for God's chosen people. About ten years ago the Lord began to do a work in my heart. An urging and ever growing desire for medical missions in Israel. So to follow Him I became a nurse and trusted Him to open a door of service for me there. I dreamed often of my first trip to the Holy Land. Walking where Jesus walked, praying at the wailing wall, shopping in the Old City, experiencing Shabbat with a Jewish family. Finally, in Israel I would find complete happiness and experience God in a whole new way.
Last year Ken and I decided to vacation in Israel for two weeks. I was still waiting for an open door of service but just couldn't wait to see it all. I cannot tell you how excited I was for this trip. Months of planning, many hours spent on the internet mapping out my own personal Holy Land Extravaganza. Look at me!! Going to Israel at last!! I would love them, they would welcome me, I would have this unbelievable experience with the Lord...
The trip started with a two day delay in Denver CO, a twelve hour flight through the end of a hurricane, missed our stop on the public train system which was in Hebrew, got lost with an extremely frustrated taxi driver, the hotel clerk hated us on sight, nothing open in the entire town for dinner except for one lonely Chinese restaurant, one hundred degrees at ten pm but it's okay because tomorrow....JERUSALEM!!!
The next day....the "short walk" to the bus station turned out to be an hour, one hundred degrees again, stood in line for the bus only to find out that we didn't have enough shekels for the trip, exchanged money again, the bus driver hating us immediately, were robbed (not the whole story) by a very nice little elderly man in Jerusalem which took all the money I had planned for a prayer shawl, sweating like a beast and now I'm furious!!!!! When we finally got back to the hotel "veranda" I cried for about three hours. I was completely devastated. I was ready to go home on day two our of fourteen.
Each new day seemed to bring its own brand of frustration and heartache. Every day was pretty much like the day in Jerusalem. The weather was perfect. The food was delicious. The beach was the best I had ever seen. And I was miserable. I skipped most everything else that I had planned to do. No Yad Vashem, no Galilee, no Petra, no Abu Gosh, no Jaffa. I was defeated and depressed. All of MY plans were gone. Where was the Israel of MY dreams. Where was my Holy Land EXTRAVAGANZA!!! I had longed for this, planned for this, paid for THIS?
Ken, God love him, turned it into a beach vacation and it was wonderful and salvaged, thanks to him. But where was God? I could have had a nice beach vacation anywhere.
My Father, in His infinite wisdom and kindness, refused to let me continue to view Israel through the eyes of a child and He gave me an honest look at His City. It was as if He said to me, Israel is not a fairy land. It is not a dream come true. It is not a heaven on earth. Do you comprehend nothing from Scripture? Do you not hear my heartbreak for Israel in every line of the Old and New Testament. I cannot use a child, Connie. I need a mature believer. I need you to will be willing to give up all your own plans and get involved in Mine. I need you to give up this fairy tale that is useful to no one and be willing to do the work for Me without expecting anything. I need you to look beyond the heat and the cultural differences and the language barrier and have a genuine love for My people. I NEED you to love them like I love them!!! I need you to love them like I love you!!! And then He said....Follow Me.
It's been a year since that trip. This time it is different. This time I am different. No plans. No expectations. No itinerary or guidebook. I have committed my plans to Him who called me out of darkness into His glorious light.
Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them and said Lord, what about this man? Jesus said to him, If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me.
I hesitated on posting this blog, afraid that I might offend someone. Let me just be clear that God orchestrated my last trip to Israel because of a childishness on my part. It is not meant to be a criticism in any way of the Jewish people or the country. God used those experiences to grow me up, it was my selfishness and unrealistic expectations that made my trip so unsatisfactory. NO one could have lived up to the standards that I was expecting, except maybe those already with the LORD, living in a heavenly body in heaven itself.
There comes a time in every believers life, sometimes many times, when our plans will not line up with Gods plan. Some people walk away, some become bitter, some pretend, some relent, some are reborn.
When I was young my mother bought me my first copy of Corrie Ten Booms' The Hiding Place and it changed my life forever. That was the beginning of my fascination with the Jewish Holocaust and my love for God's chosen people. About ten years ago the Lord began to do a work in my heart. An urging and ever growing desire for medical missions in Israel. So to follow Him I became a nurse and trusted Him to open a door of service for me there. I dreamed often of my first trip to the Holy Land. Walking where Jesus walked, praying at the wailing wall, shopping in the Old City, experiencing Shabbat with a Jewish family. Finally, in Israel I would find complete happiness and experience God in a whole new way.
Last year Ken and I decided to vacation in Israel for two weeks. I was still waiting for an open door of service but just couldn't wait to see it all. I cannot tell you how excited I was for this trip. Months of planning, many hours spent on the internet mapping out my own personal Holy Land Extravaganza. Look at me!! Going to Israel at last!! I would love them, they would welcome me, I would have this unbelievable experience with the Lord...
The trip started with a two day delay in Denver CO, a twelve hour flight through the end of a hurricane, missed our stop on the public train system which was in Hebrew, got lost with an extremely frustrated taxi driver, the hotel clerk hated us on sight, nothing open in the entire town for dinner except for one lonely Chinese restaurant, one hundred degrees at ten pm but it's okay because tomorrow....JERUSALEM!!!
The next day....the "short walk" to the bus station turned out to be an hour, one hundred degrees again, stood in line for the bus only to find out that we didn't have enough shekels for the trip, exchanged money again, the bus driver hating us immediately, were robbed (not the whole story) by a very nice little elderly man in Jerusalem which took all the money I had planned for a prayer shawl, sweating like a beast and now I'm furious!!!!! When we finally got back to the hotel "veranda" I cried for about three hours. I was completely devastated. I was ready to go home on day two our of fourteen.
Each new day seemed to bring its own brand of frustration and heartache. Every day was pretty much like the day in Jerusalem. The weather was perfect. The food was delicious. The beach was the best I had ever seen. And I was miserable. I skipped most everything else that I had planned to do. No Yad Vashem, no Galilee, no Petra, no Abu Gosh, no Jaffa. I was defeated and depressed. All of MY plans were gone. Where was the Israel of MY dreams. Where was my Holy Land EXTRAVAGANZA!!! I had longed for this, planned for this, paid for THIS?
Ken, God love him, turned it into a beach vacation and it was wonderful and salvaged, thanks to him. But where was God? I could have had a nice beach vacation anywhere.
My Father, in His infinite wisdom and kindness, refused to let me continue to view Israel through the eyes of a child and He gave me an honest look at His City. It was as if He said to me, Israel is not a fairy land. It is not a dream come true. It is not a heaven on earth. Do you comprehend nothing from Scripture? Do you not hear my heartbreak for Israel in every line of the Old and New Testament. I cannot use a child, Connie. I need a mature believer. I need you to will be willing to give up all your own plans and get involved in Mine. I need you to give up this fairy tale that is useful to no one and be willing to do the work for Me without expecting anything. I need you to look beyond the heat and the cultural differences and the language barrier and have a genuine love for My people. I NEED you to love them like I love them!!! I need you to love them like I love you!!! And then He said....Follow Me.
It's been a year since that trip. This time it is different. This time I am different. No plans. No expectations. No itinerary or guidebook. I have committed my plans to Him who called me out of darkness into His glorious light.
Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them and said Lord, what about this man? Jesus said to him, If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me.
I hesitated on posting this blog, afraid that I might offend someone. Let me just be clear that God orchestrated my last trip to Israel because of a childishness on my part. It is not meant to be a criticism in any way of the Jewish people or the country. God used those experiences to grow me up, it was my selfishness and unrealistic expectations that made my trip so unsatisfactory. NO one could have lived up to the standards that I was expecting, except maybe those already with the LORD, living in a heavenly body in heaven itself.
Beautifully said from your heart...a wise and discerning heart, I might add! This trip, you will see His heart through the eyes of experience and love of truth.
ReplyDeleteConnie, I read your description of your first to Dave, and he empathized with your experience. Yes, it will be different this time - be ready to be a blessing and to be blessed by Him!
ReplyDelete